In the throes of my sickness on Friday morning, I got the urge for some yellow Gatorade. I could set it on the table next to the short couch, and sip intermittently, alternating with water. I sent Hick a text, asking if he could bring me a bottle when he came home around 5:00.
Hick came home early, right after his Senior Center lunch, bearing my yellow Gatorade, plus blueberry pie and lemon cake. I had really only wanted one bottle of Gatorade, like from a convenience store when Hick stopped for a soda. But he went to Dollar General and bought me six giant bottles. Good for him, he's trying to heal me, though throwing out my back and shoulders from lifting those behemoth bottles.
Hick wasn't home to tend to me, just to drop off the Gatorade (and mainly his desserts!) before going back out for his weekly shot, and his Friday afternoon bull session with his cronies.
Later that night, I also asked Hick, once he was done with his leftovers supper, to look for my vibrator next time he was in the basement. Here now! It's a G-rated vibrator that I found at Walmart many years ago, and is great for loosening up my clogged sinuses during a cold. Hick made a special trip down those 13 rail-less basement stairs, and returned with my vibrator. Such a loving husband.
The atmosphere took a turn about a half-hour later, when I had to cough. Most of my coughs are of the dry hacking variety, but this one had a bit of phlegm. It took several coughs, with considerable gurgling, to clear that material.
HICK GAVE ME HIS JUDGMENTAL FROWNY FACE!
Like I could help it! It was either get that stuff coughed up, or choke to death. This smug and hateful gaze from the tilt of Hick's recliner really rubbed me the wrong way. How could he appear so caring of my health at first, and then flip to his King of the House persona, begrudging me oxygen for life?
I was livid as he gave me a short lecture on how I should and shouldn't cough!
Hick then denied that he had given me any kind of look. Which is as good as an apology when you're feeling poorly, since it meant Hick at least felt guilty enough to lie about his hateful look. Plus he had the good karma of toting home a tanker truck worth of Gatorade, and hiking to the basement to fetch my vibrator.
Not sure which of us will be happier when this cold runs its course.
Dry cough bad, productive flehm hacking cough good!
ReplyDeleteIt had only been three days at that point, with the clear frothy phlegm trying to make its way to my lungs via the back of my throat. I have since developed a Muttley wheeze,
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uSTOHa4Im4&t
[18 seconds]
and brought up gunk that needed out. I feel pretty good today, despite crackling ears and a bit of dizziness.
What on earth is a person to do with choking phlegm??? His advice? I know how to cough. Even newborns know how to cough! I suppose I need his advice, too. He is funny.
DeleteHick is funny-peculiar, not funny-ha,ha. I suppose the proper way is to do it lady-like silently, rather than in the most not-dying or most efficient way. That's what I gathered from his lecture. Oh, and also to spit it out. Though I doubt he wanted it on the carpet, and said that he was NOT jumping up to get me something to spit it in.
DeleteI suppose the master of "how to cough" never coughs when he is sick?
ReplyDeleteOh, he coughs when he ISN'T sick! The most grating sound ever to cross my eardrums. More annoying than chalkboard-nails. I don't know how Hick has cultivated just the right timbre to set my last nerve on its last edge. It usually happens while I'm trapped with him in A-Cad on the highway.
DeleteThat sound slices right through me, like a Dudley Do-Right buzz saw spinning through a giant blob of butter, priming itself for the approaching Nell strapped to a log by Snidely Whiplash.
HeWho is constantly sniffing. Not a delicate sniff that would be prevent a leak of nasal drainage from slipping onto your upper lip. A deep snort that would give one a headache. Over and over again for about the first hour of wakefulness every single day until I yell "Use the Flonase!" I buy it in bulk and we are NEVER out, but he will claim the one he is currently using to be out. When I tell him there is plenty, he claims not to know where I "hid" it! It is in the same bin all of our medications are in until I fill the pill takers. He is just too lazy to get another bottle out! I am surprised he hasn't burst his eardrums when he snorts and swallows and I gag!
DeleteHick always sneezes when he's done eating. Six, seven, eight, maybe more sneezes. It's terrifying when we are on the highway after leaving a place such at the catfish restaurant. After a couple, Hick SNIFFS! Rather than take a proffered tissue. It's not a big honkin' sniff, but just enough to snort that loosened stuff back to sneeze out again!
DeleteDammit, Hick! Don't you know her by now? We have all been hacking and hawking. Telling you how to cough? I am furious at him, and I am not event there.
ReplyDeleteGood thing I was weak and croaky, or Hick would have gotten two earfuls!
DeleteI am sure you will both be happier when the cold finally leaves you. At least you have plenty of gatorade! The yellow variety is always hard to get here since it sells out fast and first. I don't get colds, but have my share of phlegmy coughing from the hayfever and asthma, mostly the hayfever, but I don't get the clogged sinuses thank goodness. I get the post-nasal drip when I lie down at night and have found gargling with mouthwash helps to break that up a bit so I can get to sleep.
ReplyDeleteI am on the mend, getting my energy back. This is day 5. I might try a trip to town tomorrow, or at least the next day. I AM enjoying that Gatorade, though I have yet to taste it. Hopefully that sense will return soon.
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