Tuesday, January 3, 2023

You Can Put Lipstick on a Pig, But You Can't Change a Leopard's Spots

Hick has a convenient way of getting out of helping me carry in groceries. A variety of ways, to be exact. Sometimes he delays his return home from town. Sometimes he is conveniently over at the BARn, where the phone won't work. Or sitting in his recliner, where the phone also doesn't work. Of late, he had the advice of the radiologist telling him not to lift over 10 pounds. However... the surgeon he consulted said he could lift what he felt like, and not make the disc issue any worse. And for the past two days, he has been installing a garage door (given to him by my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel) over in his Freight Container Garage.

Given these facts, I don't feel it was unreasonable to expect some help with the groceries.

When I left for town, SilverRedO was at the Freight Container Garage. When I returned home with the groceries, SilverRedO and the Gator were both parked under the carport. Meaning that Hick was inside the house. The dogs gamboled about the yard, barking at the top of their lungs, as usual, signaling my return. Yet no Hick appeared to help.

I gathered up the six bags and one 12-pack of canned soda, but left the three 6-packs of Hick's soda in T-Hoe's rear. No rush. He still had some in FRIG II. I put the groceries on the metal chair on the side porch that I use for such purpose, the one Hick moves inconveniently every time he grills, and forgets to put back. Then I went back to close the garage door, and get my purse and water bottle out of T-Hoe.

As with moving the bags from car to porch, it took me two trips to get them into the kitchen, once I had climbed the porch steps.

"Don't worry, I've got all the groceries in now!"

"Oh. Do you need help with the groceries?"

"No. That's why I said I've got them all now. What are you eating, candy?"

"Yes. I just got a piece."

"Several pieces, I guess. You've moved the containers where I can't set the groceries on the table."

I proceeded to give the dogs their treat, and then put the groceries away.

"Don't worry. I've got all the groceries put away now."

"Oh. Did you need help?"

"You know I just carried them in. I TOLD you!"

"I didn't know you were going to the store."

"Last night I sat right there on the couch and TOLD you I was going."

"Well, for you, 'going to the store' might mean you're doing a week's shopping, or getting one thing."

"I listed all the stuff I was getting, so you'd know what suppers were coming up, and then I asked if you wanted anything."


"You only hear what you WANT to hear."

I went back to the kitchen after changing out of my town clothes. To wash dishes. I hollered to the living room to Hick, to ask when he was starting his bath water. It uses the whole water heater full, and I wanted to get hot dishwater first.

"Hey, when are you starting your bathwater?"

"What? Who are you NOW, Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?"

What in the NOT-HEAVEN? We've been married 33 years. How could Hick possibly think I have a single drop of kindly Dr. Jekyll in me?


  1. Mr Hyde is the monster version of Dr Jekyll? I never can remember which is which. I think you should start yelling for help when you get to the back door, that way Hick has enough time to get out of his chair by the time you heft those bags to the kitchen.

    1. Ooh! I looked it up. Dr. Jekyll is the "normal" one, and Mr. Hyde the evil side! I'm off to correct that last statement with an update. Hick thinks I'm always evil, so I don't know why he asked that question!

      By the time I get to the back door, I've already unloaded T-Hoe, and have carried in part of what is left on the porch. But Hick COULD have the opportunity to help put stuff away.

  2. I would demand he help. Go in and sit and ask/tell him! Or, be too tired to cook...lol.

    1. I gave him a break when I though he wasn't supposed to lift more than 10 pounds. Once I found out the doctor's advice, and that Hick was lifting things over in the Freight Container Garage, I figured he was capable of carrying groceries.

      He was well aware that I was going to the store that day, and I'm sure he heard the dogs. It's not like he was asleep! He was eating Christmas candy sent by my sister the ex-mayor's wife!

      Since he still received a delicious meat loaf for supper, I think he owes me some carrying! The problem is, if I call from town when starting home, he has more of a heads-up to be elsewhere when I arrive! I would hate to gamble (yes, I said that!) on walking in, and finding him not in the house, and then having to walk back out to carry for myself.

    2. If he doesn't help, just hide the candy under a towel.

    3. Don't tell Hick, but for three days, I've been hiding the last tub of Chex Mix under a Subway coupon sheet... he has no idea!

  3. I usually tell The Patient that I can be civil, or I can be Sybil, depending on the tone of voice he uses.

    1. Heh, heh! Hick would not get that reference. If Sybil was of the black-and-white western genre, he might.