Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Hick Is No Confucius

Welcome back my friends, to the blog that never ends. We're so glad you could attend... 
 
No, I don't have a mouse in my pocket. WE means me. Me and Hick. Who is the source of all this entertainment. A somewhat questionable source at times. Like the quote that initiated today's topic.

When we got married, my grandma (Dad's mom) gave us a quilt. I'm sure she'd had it ready for years, just waiting... waiting... It was a beautiful quilt, old-style hand-stitched, nothing by machine. It was basically white, with rings of dark green and orange. How she knew the color (green) I would choose for my future marital boudoir, I'll never know!

Anyhoo... we had it hanging on a wooden quilt rack that my mom gave me one Christmas. Such a quilt is a family heirloom, you know. Not for everyday use. According to ME! Hick the collector does not understand collectibles that belong to someone else. Sure, go ahead and say that quilt was half Hick's. You KNOW it was meant for ME. Something to be handed down through the family.

One winter I had washed our bedding. Not that I only do it on occasional winters! But this time, I'd put on the flannel sheets. So the bed was basically ready, but the blanket wasn't quite dry. Hick put MY SPECIAL WEDDING QUILT on the bed. Of course he heard my opinion of this! But he decreed that it was a quilt, meant for keeping a bed warm. So it stayed. 

Hick is not a dainty sleeper. In fact, he's a flopper. He's also an exuder. I don't know what comes out of him, but it's not pretty. Even though he showers in the morning, and bathes at night, something seeps out of his pores that turns his pillow dark. No, he doesn't use hair oil! He barely has any hair! 

Anyhoo... Hick also pulls the covers up over his head. Not enough to suffocate himself! No... you're not reading disappointment in my typing...

The top of my SPECIAL WEDDING QUILT is now in tatters. Hick blames his breather. "That hose! That's what does it!" Sure. 

Hick actually washed the quilt on Sunday, and said he was taking it to "his lady" who hems his Goodwill jeans and apparently knows a lot about quilts. So she can repair the top edge (on HIS side!) and turn it back into a quilt and not a rag. We'll see. It's a thoughtful gesture, and Hick wasn't even in the dog house.

Anyhoo... here's what I had to set the scene for. We were discussing the specialness of my wedding quilt, Hick and I and The Pony, when Hick uttered the most unusual saying:
 
 "We buy you books and send you to school, and what do you do? You eat the covers."
 
"WHAT?"

"Huh? What does that even mean, Dad?"

"It's a saying. Don't tell me you've never heard that."

"Nope!"

"I think you're making it up. I've never heard ANYONE say that!"

"It's old-timey. People said it all the time."

"I never heard it from my mom or dad or either of my grandmas. Not even my Favorite Gambling Aunt. Nobody says that!"

"Not these days. But it was common back then."

No. I don't THINK so! Pardon me for getting a little bit Julia-Sugarbaker-ish. I'll hold back on a lengthy speech. But I'm giving you that raised-eyebrow look. This has never been a saying! 

If it HAS, break it to me gently. Give me some context. Maybe a character on an old black-and-white TV series said it once. Maybe it was a comedian, like Red Skelton.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't a thing. Hick must be making it up, or misremembering it. If, in the future, Hick is regarded as an ancient philosopher... his name will be Confuse-us.

10 comments:

  1. I have heard it as, "all we do is buy you books and send you to school and all you do is eat the covers." I googled it and there are various renditions as far as what is eaten, some say the books, some even say the teachers (only heard of eating the covers) and it has to do with the lack of appreciation of the child or student that despite our dedication to obtaining the books required for an education, there is no appreciation or positive end results. I know it's weird. I totally agree, but I did have to tell you I have heard it before and have even said it myself when my husband does something oddly out of context, especially for him, as he is very educated but even he can pull an odd comment or solution that makes no sense to me whatsovever. Ranee (MN)

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    1. I am shocked that it's an actual saying, and not something Hick made up. He has traveled to several other countries, and to South Carolina and New Jersey for work, but he acts like this was a local saying. I've never heard it in southeast Missouri. Maybe I hang with a different crowd than Hick...

      Hick has another thing he did when the boys were little. He'd walk up behind them, pinch the skin on the back of their neck, and say, "Turkey peeking over a log!" I don't get it.

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  2. It is common in Jersey except it goes "we buy you books and send you to school and all you do drink dirty water cocktails and hide snacks under towels!"

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    1. Heh, heh! I've heard 2/3 of that saying!

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  3. I have never heard any of these sayings or anything close.

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    1. Maybe it's a regional thing, but Hick implies that everybody AROUND HERE said it. I'll have to put my sister the ex-mayor's wife on the case. She can ask around in the high-fallutin' crowd.

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  4. I have never heard that saying, nor even read it in old books, nor in new books where the story is set back in time to where old funny sayings were more popular.
    I hope your quilt comes back as good as new. Who will you leave it to? you don't have a daughter or daughter-in-law yet.

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    1. Hick must be in a secret society!

      I guess The Pony would appreciate the quilt more than Genius, who is not all that sentimental. Genius will likely get the wedding rings. The Pony is not one to pitch a fit over monetary inequalities. Financially they will get an equal share, but I'm not adding up the trinket value when I consider dispersing the heirlooms.

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  5. Never have I ever heard that old adage! And I have heard some weird ones!

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    1. I don't think it's a Missouri thing, even though Hick professes it to be.

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