Friday, July 3, 2020

I'll Never Bear That Beast's Burden

Hick has grown quite creative in the methods I'm pretty sure he's using to try to kill me! Oh, on the surface, it may seem like an innocuous request. But when you really analyze the favor he's asking, his covert plan is revealed.

The Pony and Hick were in their respective supper seats, the floor at the coffee table, and kicked back in the busted-spring La-Z-Boy, enjoying a fluffy-crust deep-dish Chef Boyardee pizza... when Hick blurted out:

"I need to get me a case of beer. If you go to Walmart, get me some."

"Um. First of all, tomorrow is the Friday of a holiday weekend. Also the first Friday of the month. I flat-out told The Pony yesterday that if we needed anything from Walmart, we should go today. We didn't, so we didn't. NO WAY am I even getting on that parking lot on a first-Friday/holiday weekend combo!"

"Oh. Well. You could get it at the liquor store."

"I AM going to the liquor store tomorrow! For my lottery tickets. Last Friday, both of them were winners."

"Good. You're already going there."

"What kind? You mean in cans, right?"

"A case of Michelob Ultra, bottles."

"Wait a minute! I can't carry a case of beer bottles! I can barely walk down the liquor store's little blacktop ramp. They're not going to carry it out for me!"

"They might if you asked. Get it at the Gas Station Chicken Store. The Man Owner will carry it out for you."

"I hate to ask him to do that, but he would. I'm not sure they'd have it. Their cooler is only along the back wall. It's not very big. Oh! Casey's would have it! Isn't that why they remodeled? To put in a beer cave? Remember? I didn't understand what it was. I didn't know it was just a walk-in cooler. I thought it was something cool. Which I guess, technically, it IS."

"Yeah. Casey's probably has it."

"WAIT A MINUTE! Why can't YOU buy your OWN beer? You go in Casey's twice a day! YOU can go in the liquor store! You drive right by it every day, on your way to Casey's! I don't know why I should have to do it!"

"Yeah. I guess I could."

Seriously. When did I become the liquor-procuror? The Pony even added that I could buy him a bottle of wine! At least that would be easier to carry. Although I know NOTHING about wine. It's one thing to put a case of beer in my cart/walker while I'm shopping at Walmart. At least I can push the cart out to T-Hoe.

SHEESH! Even with his PopArm, Hick is still stronger than me. I can't imagine trying to carry a case of bottled beer out to T-Hoe.

It would pretty much kill me.


  1. Yup. There's method in his madness, for sure.

  2. All along I was wondering why he didn't go get his own beer, then you realised and he said...well you know what he said. The way men's minds work astounds me, it really does. Just because women do most of the household shopping they think we can do theirs too! They probably think we enjoy pleasing our men and doing favours for them. Like we have nothing else to do.

    1. It would be different if Hick would do something for me at least 1/10 of the time that I do something for him! I'd even settle for 1/20 of the time!

      Like during Stay-At-Home-Down, when I stayed home and made my own 40 oz Diet Cokes. Hick went to town every day for his 'secret' donuts. He could easily have picked up a soda for me while he was there. But no. It didn't enter his mind. When I asked, he kind of huffed like he was SO put-upon by that request. He brought it ONE time, and I didn't ask again.

  3. Ahh the conundrum, should I? Would he for me? Well as long as his pop arm still works, let him bring you home a few fountain drinks. Happy 4th.

    1. Carrying a 44 oz Diet Coke with his PopArm would hurt Hick less than carrying a case of bottled beer would hurt ME! Happy 4th to you, too!