Sunday, July 19, 2020

A Story Inspired By O. Hick

Thursday, Hick returned from town while I was in the shower. I heard him enter the house, but then leave again by way of the slamming front door. He's not an angry slammer. Just an inconsiderate one.

Anyhoo... by the time I was starting up the driveway for town, here came Hick on the Gator. He drove at T-Hoe, so I figured he wanted to talk to me.

"I'm on my way to town."

"I'm on my way to the pool. It's hot."

"Why did you come in the house?"

"To put that pizza in the fridge."

"What pizza?"

"That I get in town, at that new place. I couldn't eat it all. I usually can, but I ate the salad, and got full during the pizza. It's in there if you want it. There's about a third of a small pizza."

"I was planning on getting Dairy Queen chicken and pretzel sticks. But I could eat the pizza. Wait! Is it pepperoni? I hate pepperoni."

"No. It's Canadian bacon and mushroom." 

"Maybe The Pony will want it. NO. He doesn't like mushrooms. We'll see. Maybe I'll have it for supper, instead of what you guys are having."

Off I went. Not wanting to waste any pizza. The more I thought about it, I figured I would give The Pony the two-piece chicken strip with honey mustard, and have the pizza with my pretzel sticks.

Let the record show that almost daily, I get something off Dairy Queen's 2-for-$4 menu for The Pony and myself. Sometimes we both have chicken and pretzels. Sometimes we just have pretzels. Sometimes we split it up. On this day, The Pony had declared that he didn't want anything brought back for him.

Still, I figured he would be disappointed if I didn't bring him something. You have to get an even number of items to get the 2-for-$4 deal. Yeah. That sounded just right. I'd give The Pony my chicken, and have the pizza and pretzels. He'd said he was just having snacks until supper, but the chicken would give him some protein, anyway.

As usual, The Pony trotted out to the garage to carry in my purse and the Dairy Queen bag (only I carry my magical elixir). How cruel it would have been for him to see that I actually DID bring him NOTHING!

"Hey. I'm giving you my chicken. I'll just eat that pizza Dad had left over from his lunch."

"Oh. I ate the pizza."

"Wait. You don't like mushrooms."

"I picked them off."

"I just thought I'd eat the pizza, and give you my chicken."

"I thought you might do that, to be nice, and I didn't want to take your chicken. So I picked the mushrooms off the pizza, and had that instead."

Yes. The Pony gave up his watch-fob chicken, and instead ate my hair-comb pizza. You might call such a story: The Gift of the Hick-Guy.


  1. ha ha the best laid plans. I have to hide the left over pizza behind the condiments in the fridge door if I want to have it again.

    1. The pizza is usually safe around here, since Genius moved out. The Pony is persnickety, preferring plain cheese pizza. I have Hick pretty well trained to leave MY kind alone. By loudly announcing, "I'm saving MY pizza for MY supper tomorrow."

  2. You and the Magi lived happily ever after!! Good job.

    1. At least we're living happily soon-after. Not sure about the EVER part.

  3. Remember when you gave them something when they were little and they'd say stuff like "I hate mushrooms" and you'd say just pick them off" and they'd come back with "but they've touched everything else and now I can't eat any of it and I want something else and you don't love me anymore" accompanied by sobs and whining? (Maybe they didn't do that)
    So now you look forward to your pizza only to find The Pony CAN just pick off the mushrooms.

    1. Yes, I remember that, up to wanting something else. I guess The Pony is hungrier these days!