Let the record show that Val has never quite been able to master irony. To her, the definition is as amorphous as a gossamer doily stretched over a sleeping ghost. Without her resident irony-checker, The Pony, to consult with a shout from her dark basement lair to the gaming couch, Val is left to her own devices.
I'm pretty sure the details I am about to reveal constitute irony.
Remember when Hick
proudly showed off one of his auction treasures? One that I was not enamored of. The one I called Thomas Jefferson Sitting on a Boot Taking a Crap.
Ol' Tom is the first thing I thought of when I came home from town and saw Hick with a paintbrush, treating our freshly-powerwashed porch boards with stain.
We don't need to tell Hick the real reason I took his picture. He thinks it's to show off his porch. No fancy coattails for Hick, and hopefully he's not taking a crap.
I will call my portrait "Hick Sitting on a Scooter Not-Taking a Crap."
I just spit out my drink. You have to quit this Val. You are too funny. Don't you think it's about time you assemble some of these posts into a book?
ReplyDeleteI have a good source of material! I have lost my desire to put energy into a book. The less I have to do every day, the less I WANT to do!
DeleteI see how his position there struck you. I bought HeWho one of those rolly things for when he is tinkering with his various projects. He didn't find it useful and gave it to me to use when I am weeding. His is fancier with what looks like a tractor seat and he was sure it would fit my generous rear end. First time I used it I leaned too far forward and planted my face in the weeds. Perhaps I should sell it.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! I'm sure HeWho's generosity was not at all premeditated. Unlike if Hick had gifted me with his scooter. It would obviously have been another attempt to kill me, I'm pretty sure.
DeleteDitto what Linda said!
ReplyDeleteYou guys flatter me! I just have a wealth of material that I like to share in limited doses.
DeleteIt's about time those boards got done. I like that scooter thing he's sitting on, such a thing might be handy if I had a garden big enough to roll around in.
ReplyDeleteHick got his scooter at an auction for two or three dollars, he says. You might want to start hanging out at auctions! Then even if you had a garden, you wouldn't have time to roll around in it.
DeleteOh you're cruel. But that passage, "..as amorphous as a gossamer doily stretched over a sleeping ghost." That is pure poetry, Val.
ReplyDeleteI'm no angel, that's for sure. That passage came to me as I was typing along, wanting to insert a description. A spark of inspiration made me change "blanket" to "doily."
DeleteGreat I just snorted diet coke up my nose....
ReplyDeleteWhat a terrible waste of Diet Coke! I am ashamed. But only for the loss of Diet Coke.
Delete"The less I have to do every day, the less I WANT to do."
ReplyDeleteNow you're sounding just like me. I'm at the point where I'll spend all day in pj's and dressing gown if I'm not going anywhere.
Only my love of Diet Coke and scratchers gets me dressed some days!
Delete