Backroads Roadshow 3-15-15

I really need to start a regular feature called Sunday Morning Auction Roundup. Where I display Hick's latest bargains.

This morning he informed me that he bought a tank of propane for $20. I immediately imagined one of those big tanks that sit behind a house as the sole heating and cooking source.

"How are you going to get it home?"

"I brought it in the van. It's not that big. For the grill. They cost a lot more to get them filled at Casey's or the gas station."

"How do you know there's any propane in it? You might have bought an empty tank."

"I can feel it, Val. It's heavy. When they're empty, they're not heavy."

Whatever. I didn't know you could feel the weight of gas like that. Is a tank of compressed air heavier when it's full than when it's empty? I don't know. That's how Hick gets away with telling me stuff like that.

Now we come to the good stuff. But first the not-so-good stuff.

"Look at this glass! I got in on a table full of stuff that I only paid $3.50 for! If my doctor hadn't retired, I'd have give it to him."

"Uh. That's for a proctologist. Your doctor was a general practitioner."

"Yeah, but he woulda got a kick out of it. I guess I could give it to my urologist."

"Again...not a proctologist."

"No, but he sticks his finger up my butt to check my prostate."

"ALL RIGHT! Too much information! No wonder nobody wanted that thing."

"It still has the original tag! It's worth $22.50."

"It's not even worth a fraction of $3.50. Nobody wanted it. That's why it was at the auction on a table full of stuff."

"I thought it was cute. And look at this."

"What in the world...? Hey! Pony! Come here. You've gotta get me some pictures."

"Here, Pony. Take this."

"What IS it?"

"It's Thomas Jefferson sitting on a boot."

"WHY...?"

"It's a knick knack. People set them on shelves. I thought it was neat. It was on that table of stuff, too."

"Now there's a surprise."

"Get a side view of him, too, Pony. And I got something for you. It's on the porch by your other suit of armor."

Yeah. Well. That's no BOOT like I've ever seen. It looks like Thomas Jefferson is taking a crap, while spreading out his long-tailed coat. The whole thing is about four inches high. It might be a tiny spittoon. It might be a candle holder. It might be a shot glass. Don't know. I'm not in a hurry to call Antiques Roadshow.

Now here it the part that is actually kind of cool, and cost $2.00. For The Pony. And you can bet Hick will extract his cash from his wallet without telling him.

They are metal, about 18 inches tall. Looks like Hick gave that one the once-over with his toothbrush and toothpaste. I think it'll clean up quite nicely.

We're gonna have to build a bigger house.