Yes, Apparently It IS Too Much to Ask

The Pony doesn't ask for much. A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down his pants. WAIT! That was Chuckles the Clown, before he met his untimely end, being shucked to death by an elephant while dressed as a peanut. I hear he had a rip-snortin' funeral.

No, The Pony only expects a couple of meals a day, a ride to wherever he needs to go, an internet connection, and phone service. So it came as quite a surprise when he asked a favor from his father on Sunday. I was left out of the loop, until Hick had to brag about it.

"The Pony wants me to build him a place to keep his stuff. His armor, his swords, his castle, his shields, his warriors. He has a lot of stuff, and there's no room for it in his room. Nobody can see it. When I'm done with the barbershop, I'll start on his."

"Oh. I thought that maybe when I retire, which is NEXT SUMMER, you know...that you could build me a little workshop. Like a writer's retreat. So I wouldn't be in the dark basement all by myself when The Pony goes off to college, and you're still working."

"Huh. I guess I could. What did you have in mind?"

"Kind of like a little barn. Like a half barn. You know, with that barny roof, and a porch coming off the front side, like a lean-to."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. You'll have to draw it."

Seriously? Hick doesn't know what a barn looks like? Give me a break. So I drew it out.

"See? This is from the end. See how the roof should have those four sections? And how the roof of the lean-to slopes out for the porch? And I'd need some windows, and a source of electricity, and internet connection, and a way to get a little bit of heat. I don't really think I'd need a loft, because I wouldn't go up there, but if there were some stairs, like captain's stairs, somebody else could go up there."

"Huh. I'm sure Genius put in a good enough router that you could get your internet. I guess I could put it out in the front."

"I don't want it in the front yard! That would look stupid!"

"Well, I'm putting The Pony's shed next to my barbershop. I could put it on the other side."

"No. I don't want it there. I want LIGHT. And I don't want to be by the stinkin' chicken pen and goat pen. I was thinking about out back, by the pool, in the corner of the yard."

"I guess I could put one there."

He went on to tell my (like I was actually listening) about the materials he still had to start on The Pony's shed. Then he frowned when he started thinking about mine.

"We'll have to buy some kind of siding..."

"I just want metal. Like a little barn. I'm not going to LIVE in it. I won't heat it all the time like you do. Red metal walls, white metal roof."

"Oh." A few minutes later, Hick, the Master Builder, said, "Maybe you should just pick out a little pre-made building at Lowe's."

Can you believe it? He builds cabins and workshops and mini-barns and outhouses and barbershops and Ye Olde Medieval Memorabilia shops, but he has no interest in building his loving wife a writer's retreat that would sit next to him while he fritters away his retirement years floating in the pool.

I might as well chain myself to my proposed handbasket factory. Looks like we're gonna need a lot of 'em.