Sunday, June 24, 2018

A New Tactic: Kindness Part I

Remember how I'm pretty sure Hick is trying to kill me? Well...I'm still pretty sure. But it seems like he's trying a new tactic, eschewing gaslighting for kindness!

It's time to renew T-Hoe's license plates. Of course, that has always been Hick's job, even though on occasion, he has pawned it off on me. But he DID say on Wednesday night that he would get T-Hoe inspected on Thursday. That's the first step, you know. Gotta have an inspection to renew the license. I secretly think Hick likes taking vehicles to get inspected, or get the oil changed, because it gives him time to sit in the waiting room of the Walmart Automotive Department, and stir up crap on Facebook. Like when he saw that electrical outlet with exposed wires.

Anyhoo...when I got out of the shower around noon, I saw that the Inspection Fairy had been here, and left the paperwork on the kitchen counter, in the one space I claim for myself, to prep meals. At least Hick got it done on time, and didn't wait like the last time he sent ME, to pay the late fee. AND he had remembered to move the seat back to my settings, so I didn't break my back getting in where his stubby legs had been driving. Sure, he'd left an empty water bottle where I put my 44 oz Diet Coke. But I set it out along the garage wall, with four other water bottles of the same origin. In doing so, I noticed that T-Hoe was MOSTLY CLEAN! Only a thin coating of fresh dust. Hick had taken him through a car wash! What a sweet thing for my Sweet Baboo to do, without me asking.

Off I went to Save A Lot, for assorted items I don't get at Walmart, and a deli-style pizza to bake at home for Hick's supper. Because he snapped at that, in a choice of pizza, big salad, bratwursts, or terrible tater. The parking at Save A Lot was a pain, because it was truck day for The Dollar Store next door, and the exit end of the parking lot was blocked by a semi. I maneuvered T-Hoe (without a backup beeper, you know) until I got turned around, and pulled through to a facing-out parking spot on the other side of the row.

To keep from pushing the cart back in, I looped four plastic bags over my arm, and carried the pizza, flat, in its box. I already had the clicker out to unlock T-Hoe, and raise the back hatch. And raise the back hatch. And RAISE THE BACK HATCH!

What in the Not-Heaven? That hatch was not raising. That happens every now and then. I've begged for a new battery in my clicker for a couple of years. I don't know how to pry it open. That's a man job, and Hick has been derelict in that duty. I balanced the pizza on my bag arm, and pressed the release button with my fingers. Nope. Not happenin'. T-Hoe sounded like he wanted to lift his hatch, but he didn't. I know I heard the gears grinding. It worked yesterday. Did I get something closed in the crack? Why wouldn't it open? Maybe I didn't push hard enough. I put that pizza on the back seat. The Pony seat. Kept the bags on my right arm, and went back to push that release button with my left hand. With my right hand. Left again.

Well, crap! Then I tried a last resort. I reached to open the glass part of T-Hoe's hatch. Like the upper half of the hatch. SO THAT'S IT! The glass part of the hatch was open! But being held down by gravity. So it looked like it was closed. But it was unlatched. How did THAT happen? Oh, I don't know...HICK was the last one to drive T-Hoe, only a few hours earlier. By now I was sweating like Hick wearing an OU cap. Rivulets running down my scalp. I felt faint. Discombobulated from the heat. But I still had strength to let Hick know that I knew that he was most likely trying to kill me.

"Anything else you want to tell me that you did to my car?"

"No...just got it inspected. With an oil change."

"That's all. You're sure?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Because I just spent five minutes trying to get the back hatch open, while juggling four bags and your pizza! It wouldn't open for anything! THEN I found out the glass hatch was open. Not latched."

"Huh. Them boys working on it must have hit something wrong."

Or in other words, Hick resolved the issue by declaring it was NOT-HICK.

10 comments:

  1. Aha! I think that devious chap's cleverness is greater you have suspected. Keep a wary eye on him, Val.

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    1. I seem to have underestimated Hick's devious talents.

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  2. He who excuses himself accuses himself.

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    1. Is that the polite version of "He who smelt it, dealt it." Or "First smeller's the feller."

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  3. It seems Hick got out of that one nicely, it COULD have been the boys doing the work and Hick just failed to notice the glass hatch was open.
    I don't understand this renewing the licence plates thing, is it the same as us renewing the registration every year? I'm pretty sure we don't need to pass an inspection every year just to do that.

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    1. It COULD happen. More likely...I think Hick hit a wrong button on the clicker, which he's not used to. Those guys should have had no reason to open the hatch. Hick probably went junk-shopping while in town, and had something stored back there that he took out.

      You need to update your license plate every year, which is really just a way for the state to collect taxes, I believe! They give you a little sticker to put on your license plate, or a whole new plate if you ask for one, and pay extra. Without it, you'll get a ticket when the old one expires.

      We usually get ours renewed for two years. I asked Hick if we would need an inspection each year, if we took the one-year renewal. So much for asking. The gobbledygook he spouted did not convince me that he knew what he was talking about.

      "I think it's every two years. But sometimes not. Depends on the car and when you got the license. I think it's even or odd years that needs the inspection."

      "Then, if we renewed every two years, starting during the right even or odd...we'd NEVER need an inspection?"

      "I don't know. It's really confusing. If the renewal notice says it needs an inspection, I get it."

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  4. Doesn't sound the same at all. We just renew the car registration every year and used to get a sticker with the number of the month on it to show we had paid, but now there's no stickers and cops check by typing in your number plate to their onboard computer.

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    1. We used to have a problem with people stealing the stickers by peeling them off the license plates. Happened to one of my students, and her mom almost got a ticket until the cop checked on it and saw that she'd paid. I guess it's a quick way for police to look at a lot of plates.

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  5. I've alleviated that problem by turning in my driver's license & selling my car!!

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    1. Dang it! Your picture was probably better than mine. I could have taken that off your hands, to doctor up my own license photo. Hick tries every day to persuade me to sell T-Hoe, but I'm hanging onto him like a favorite old tattered baby blue sweatshirt. To T-Hoe, that is. NOT to Hick!

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