Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Hick Can't See the Cabin for the Trees

When I was leaving for town Tuesday, Hick said that back-creek neighbor Bev was coming over to meet him at his new Freight Container Garage, to look at some lamps that she might want to buy. He was in a hurry to get over there, and I was in a hurry to get to Walmart, so we didn't have long to chat.

Let the record show that Bev's husband was gone to work when she came lamp-shopping. That is unprecedented! They NEVER leave their home unattended, because Bev is sure that the Stick Road Man is creeping onto her property and up to no good. Since Hick put in a surveillance camera system for them, Bev has deemed it safe to venture a half-mile away (as the crow flies, and the Stick Road Man creeps) for ten minutes or so.

Bev ended up buying $20 worth of Hick's junk merchandise. Two lamps, some blankets and old t-shirts that she says she uses for her cats, and assorted crafty stuff. She's Hick's best customer.

Hick had spent the morning working over at Bev's house, taking down a deck made of plastic wood. He said he'd do it for the materials, even though I'm pretty sure they would have paid him to dismantle it, AND haul it away. Hick drove one of his tractors over there, and left it and his trailer, half-loaded with the half-taken-down deck.

Hick called HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) to see if he would be able to give him a ride back to our homestead. HOS said he was down at the creek fishing with his boy, but for Hick to give him a call when he was ready. Being Hick...he decided he wasn't going to bother with waiting for a ride, and when he was ready, Hick started walking home. I didn't find this out until the afternoon, though, when I got back from town.

I sat down to chat with Hick around 3:00, before he left for the auction, and he started rattling on about his morning, getting stung by a hornet while taking apart the plastic-wood deck. Held up the knuckle of his bad-finger, bemoaning the injury. I told him he should have put a paste of baking soda on it, and he said he didn't have any. I pointed out the box on the kitchen counter, and Hick said, "I wasn't home. I was over at Bev's, and I didn't have a ride back."

It's not that far. Our properties adjoin just across the creek. According to Hick, he almost became a statistic. One of those lost-in-the-woods people who have rescuers searching for them, and are never found.

"I started walking on a trail. The people who owned that property before had ridden their 4-wheelers along a path. But it's kind of grown-over now--"

"Wait. Didn't you just follow the land? You know it slopes to the creek, and then our house is up the hill on the other side."

"I know. I started doing that. I was looking for my cabin. But the trees were too thick. A lot of big ones blew over in that storm the other day--"

"Didn't you look for moss on the north side of the trees? Moss grows on the north side or our garage! All you had to do was keep going west."

"No, I didn't think to look for moss. I just kept going, looking for the cabin. I see how people get turned around in the woods! I came out on [Copper Jack's Human Daddy's] property. I saw his NO TRESPASSING signs." [Let the record show that Copper Jack's Human Daddy routinely poaches bow-hunts deer and turkey out of season on our property, WITH our permission, but restricts his own against trespassers.]

"At least you knew where you were."

"Yeah, I worked my way over until I saw my A-frame."

"But you had started out, thinking you would end up at your Creekside Cabin?"

"Yeah. I was a little bit off."

I'd say so. That Creekside Cabin is on our other 10 acres that adjoins the 10 acres where the homestead is located.


  1. At least he did make it home, I would have walked in circles trying to figure out where the sunsets or where the moss grows...unless Mrs C. was with me, she has an internal compass and never gets lost.

    1. I always get lost. No help from me. I would try the moss thing, but that's all I got.

  2. If he had got lost and was even now still wandering around in those woods, would you go and look for him or would you just sit back and enjoy a couple days of peace and quiet?

    1. If I went to look for him, both of us would be lost, and Genius could finally get his long-awaited inheritance. Good luck to The Pony getting a cut.

      Once lost, I would have to set up a camp with a bed of fallen leaves, and live there until my fat stores were depleted.

      So...NO, I would not have gone to look for him. I might have called for rescuers, though. Just to make the scenario look good enough for law enforcement to exclude me from a suspect list...