Friday, June 15, 2018

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #104 "I Saw What You Did Last Tri-Century"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday again. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Val takes a page from history this week, and gives you historical fiction revealing the afterlife of America's first President. I cannot tell a lie...okay...I can easily tell a lie. You'll love this one! Stop throwing your dollars across the Potomac, and get this fake book about the father of our country. It would make a great Father's Day gift, don't you think?

I Saw What You Did Last Tri-Century

George Washington is TICKED OFF. He has carried a grudge since childhood. A grudge against a former friend who chopped down the Washington family cherry tree. Oh, he saw everything, with that all-seeing eye. But George took the rap. Got his hatchet taken away for his trouble, too! Now that he doesn't have to be a man of character, George is bent on revenge.

With his ability to look at everybody who handles a dollar bill, George is seeking descendants of his arch nemesis. Once he finds them, his wrath shall be released. George will not stand for a foe to prosper. Not even in a boat crossing the Delaware. He's ready to sink his false teeth into this task.

Will George get his revenge? Or will he wig out and sign off on it? (135 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Richard Milhous Nixon..."Just like I am not a crook, this Thevictorian gal is not a writer! She has a sweaty upper lip, too. A sure sign of deceit. I think Thevictorian should resign herself to not fake-writing any more, for the good of the country."

William Jefferson Clinton..."I'm going to say this again: 'I did not fake-read the fake book of Val Thevictorian.' Oh, I would've given her a roll in the hay. She's my type. But I most definitely can't recommend her fake books."

Gerald Rudolph Ford Jr..."I am adopting a new attitude towards this fake author. I think we should pardon her less-than stellar efforts at putting pen to paper. Thevictorian is welcome to come to the golf course and watch me play. Any time."

Betty Ford..."I'll drink to that!"

George Herbert Walker Bush..."Read my lips: no new fake books from Thevictorian! I swear, that gal's fake writing is so soul-sucking, she could dim 999 of the 1000 points of light."

Barbara Bush..."I look more like George Washington that George Washington looks like George Washington! Yet Thevictorian didn't write about ME! From glancing over this fake book, I think she must be illiterate."

Franklin Delano Roosevelt..."Thevictorian is a dame who shall live in infamy! As a fake author, she has no leg to stand on! I propose a new deal, which shall allow me to declare a Fake Book Holiday, and shut down any fake authors I deem appropriate. Of course Thevictorian tops the list."

James Earl Carter Jr..."I have never lusted in my heart for one of Thevictorian's fake books. I wouldn't buy one if the price of it was mere peanuts!"
Ronald Wilson Reagan..."Thevictorian, tear up this book! I believe this fake author has been practicing Thevictorianomics, not charging tax on her fake books. Rather than achieving a trickle-down situation where more people can fake-buy her fake books, she seems to have only given us a watered-down form of fake literature."

Nancy Reagan..."Excuse me as I smooth down my red dress. Don't I look good in red? Now, where was I? Oh, yes. When it comes to Thevictorian's fake books, JUST SAY NO!"

John Fitzgerald Kennedy..."Ask not what Thevictorian's fake books are about...ask what's up with Thevctorian! If only she had been ahead of her time, we could have sent her to the moon, and saved ourselves from over a hundred of her fake books. On the brighter side...she wasn't around to sing Happy Birthday to me."

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis..."I tried to read Thevictorian's fake book. I really did. I was a book editor, you know. But unfortunately, Thevictorian's fake writing was all Greek to me."

George Walker Bush..."This fake book is an article of crass production. The best use for it would be soaking up floodwaters from a massive hurricane. Let me paint a picture for you. Thevictorian may have fooled us 103 times...shame on her. Fool us 104 times...we can't be fooled again."

Abraham Lincoln..."Perhaps Thevictorian could adapt this fake book into a fake play. I'd let her use my Presidential box to watch it from the balcony."

Harry S. Truman..."The fake book stops here! I'm making sure that Thevictorian is stopped from putting out any more fake books. I'll give 'er Not-Heaven if she won't!"

Hillary Rodham Clinton..."I had planned on having my own face on currency some day. And not something so deplorable as a dollar. I imagine Thevictorian will be sorry she didn't make this fake book all about ME. Accidents happen..."


  1. I believe George will get his revenge! He won't leave any stone unturned!!

    1. George really loved that hatchet. It's time to pay the piper.

  2. His all-seeing eye? Has his spirit been scanned into the paper like some kind of ancient demon?? Yikes!

  3. Loved your fake reviews!! I still want to fake order a copy for Father.s Day.

    1. I only regret that I must fake-write a fake book before I can get to the reviews. They're the most fun.

      I will fake-rush a fake copy to you overnight. You should fake-receive it by Father's Day, if the fake plane flying overnight fake mail is on schedule.