Friday, June 22, 2018

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #105 "Flavor Is On the Tongue of the Taster"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday again. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week, join Val behind the scenes at the casino, where tight-fisted management pinches pennies until they fling themselves face-down on the carpet for some lucky gambler to find. C'mon, ante up, and give Val the Two-Armed Bandit some of your fake cash for her latest fake book. I wager you'll hit the jackpot with this one. 

Flavor Is On the Tongue of the Taster

Mitzi is a taster. She works behind the scenes of the casino buffet, making sure the casino doesn't lose its shirt. The food at the buffet must look delicious. Lure people back time after time. But not so delicious that the folks eat up the profits. Oh, they'll think they're getting a bargain, and load up a plate, intending to go back for more. Unless maybe that Orange Chicken doesn't contain any chicken. And the pulled pork is a bit too fatty. And the cake is so dry that diners always pay $2.50 for a soda they could drink for free on the casino floor.

Will Mitzi manage to keep the budget under control...or will she go rogue and make that buffet the tastiest smorgasbord in town? (127 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Mouth..."This fake book left a bad taste in me. I was actually WISHING to be washed out with soap."

Tongue..."The title of this fake book is NOT going to be on the tip of ME! Nobody wants to fake-read this thing. I'd sooner be stuck to a flagpole in winter than than fork myself and speak kindly of it."

Sweet..."Not even Def Leppard, pouring some sugar on it, could make this fake book appeal to anyone."

Salt..."This fake book raises blood pressure more than I do. There should be a warning label on it, doctors should advise their patients not to read it, and an antidote should be developed for those who overdose on Thevictorian's fake books. Heh, heh. Like THAT'S going to happen!"

Sour..."This fake author has hit an unfortunate note with her latest fake release. The taste it leaves in my mouth, and the effect it has on my stomach, reminds me of a certain type of grapes. The only thing I can imagine these grapes to be good for is a bottle of cheap whine."

Bitter..."Thevictorian's fake book is a tough tome to swallow. She's such a pill, and the root of all evil in the fake-publishing world. I fear the fruits of her fake labors will be with us until the end. Somebody mix me a vodka tonic."

Apple..."Granny Smith and Jonathan told me at a Gala in Fuji that Thevictorian's fake writing is Spartan at best."

Onion..."If you hold your nose and bite into me, you cannot distinguish me from my friend the Apple. If you hold your nose and read Thevictorian's fake will still spout real tears, and notice the bad taste."

Lays Potato Chip..."Bet you can't read just one. No. Really. I bet you can't read one whole fake book of Thevictorian's. It's like you open up the book, and all the fake writing has settled. You don't get but about one fourth of what you fake paid for."

Taster..."I have a dangerous job when working for royalty, but even I am not prepared to fake-read this fake book."
Taser..."Oh, wait! I'm missing a letter! But since I'm here, allow me to review this fake book. I found it SHOCKING! Shockingly bad, that is. It's like I lost all control of my body when I read it. The only recommendation I can give for this fake book is that law enforcement officers could use it to knock crooks senseless when trying to subdue them."

Soap..."Hey, Mouth! I got your back, buddy! As far as this fake book is concerned...I ain't gonna lye. It's 99 and 44/100 IMPURE! If you fake-read it in the tub, and this fake book fell in? It would FLOAT! And not like me."


  1. YOU were into Def Lepard? I loved the soap review the best, I think.

    You definitely went in a more creative direction with your blurb.

    1. I wouldn't say I was INTO Def Leppard. I know that ONE song, after hearing it in the movie Coyote Ugly.

      I wouldn't say it was a CREATIVE direction. I hang out at casinos with old people, so that buffet was on my mind.

      I'm a pantser, and those reviews started writing themselves around 12:30 a.m. Friday morning. I had two left that were giving me trouble: SOUR and BITTER. I did them the next morning (noonish) while checking my comments. MOUTH and SOAP were two of the first reviews that wrote themselves.

  2. Mitzi may not have to go rogue. Depending on what other places have to offer, that may very well be the tastiest smorgasbord in town, even with the dry cake and chicken free orange chicken.

    1. I think you're right. Then next closest good place is Lambert's, the Throwed Roll Restaurant, about 30 minutes away.

  3. I'm out of chicken so it seems like a good time to get the recipe for chicken free orange chicken!

    1. I can't begin to speak for the fine chefs at the casino buffet...but I think I've figured out the recipe. It involves a scrap of chicken skin, or maybe a toenail, dipped repeatedly in batter, deep-fried, and seasoned with a delicious (and spicy hot) orange sauce with plenty of red pepper flakes and come kind of tiny pepper seeds.

  4. I think she will be able to stretch that dollar better than anyone else! And I bet the food will still taste great!

    1. Mitzi is a smart cookie, and knows which side her bread is buttered on. She will save that casino money, and still have people begging for more dry cake and chicken-free orange chicken.