Uh huh. I have somehow forgotten how to pick up food on a spoon, lift it to my mouth, scrape it off inside, and swallow it. Either that, or I have a hole in the bottom of my chin that I am unaware of.
Tuesday night, I was having a snack. A dessert of sorts. Okay. Actually, I was just having ice cream for supper. Sometimes, you gotta treat yourself. Which in Val's case involves substituting that treat for a regular meal. Those hot dogs Hick grilled Monday will eat themselves. Apparently. They are disappearing at an alarming rate.
Anyhoo...there I was, happily wasting my time on the innernets, supper completed (quite deliciously, I might add), when I turned to pick up my 44 oz Diet Coke for a sip, and saw something on my shirt!!!
YIKES!
At first I got all spasm-y and apoplectic, having the urge to crawl out of my skin, or at least my clothing, because there was a BIG BLACK BUG on it!
That was several minutes of useless calorie-burning, because upon further inspection, it turns out that I did NOT have a BIG BLACK BUG on me.
No. I had a STAIN. On my shirt. Okay. It was actually more of a solid kind of ploppy blob, until I tried to lick it off my shirt. HEY! My shirt is clean! I just took it out of the dryer yesterday! Looks like it's going back in, after a detour through the washer with Tide.
You don't think I've ruined my favorite ratty old baby blue sweatshirt, do you?
Before I go out to eat I dab some ketchup on my shirt just to get the inevitable over with.
ReplyDeleteWear a ketchup coloured shirt.
DeleteOr, wear a shirt that is patterned with red, yellow, green, white, brown, black, orange, blue and purple splotches. That way, no matter what you slob on yourself, you don't become unsightly.
DeleteOr do you even care about being unsightly? Some men who are your... uh, level of maturity, don't really care about looking a bit sloppy.
I could be persuaded to rent out my favorite ratty old baby blue sweatshirt by the hour...
DeleteMan; try to make a little joke and get beat up! I don't really dab ketchup on my shirt, that was a JOKE! I thought we were all friends here. Well except for Sioux, I think she has it in for me for some reason.
DeleteLet the record show that I was not piling on during the beat-down! I was generously offering you the use of my very special sweatshirt (for a small fee). Like insurance. Just in case there was a mishap.
DeleteI cannot speak for Sioux, but I think she likes to bandy wits, and can take it as well as dish it. If I hadn't met her in person, I might mistake her for an antiHICKite. You DO seem to get more heaping platters served to you than others. Careful! Don't get any on your shirt...
Are you SURE of what it really is?
ReplyDeletePretty sure. That blob tasted more like melted chocolate from the ice cream than like a big black bug.
DeleteYour ratty blue shirt is in better shape than my marble-y red cheap-version-of-Crocs that are more hole than sole... and I still wear them.
ReplyDeleteEven I wouldn't lick anything off your marble-y red cheap version of Crocs that are more hole than sole. So if you're trying to flatter me in hopes of getting those shoes cleaned for free, forget it!
DeleteMaybe not ruined, but is it worth running that stain under cold water first to get most of it out before it hits the Tide?
ReplyDeleteNo. I used to try that tactic with the boys' clothes, and it works. But my favorite ratty old baby blue sweatshirt barely has sleeves left clinging to it. It's kind of like a serape now, so the more colorful, the better.
DeleteYou actually did a taste test? You know it could have been... well, it could have.
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to reconsider the taste test.
DeleteShortly after that one, I licked the slaw juice off my favorite plastic fork, only to discover that it was NOT slaw juice, but liquid soap which I'd just used to quickly wash my fork for immediate use.