No Crazier Than a Proposed Handbasket Factory, I Suppose

It will come as no great surprise to you that, as of 4:00 Sunday afternoon, Hick has a new money-making venture lined up to line his pockets with cold hard cash. Or at least limp paper currency. I would love to drag it out. Make you guess his latest entrepreneurial endeavor. But I fear that 10,000 monkeys guessing for 10,000 days with 10,000 hints could not arrive at the truth.

Hick is selling rocks.

Okay, he's not going door-to-door with a briefcase full of stones, pushing pet rocks, promoting stone soup, or proffering affordable weapons for the apopadopalyspe. In fact, this business opportunity fell into his lap. Well, not so much fell into his lap, as clambered up his shin, shoved his belly out of the way, and sat on his knee. Let's let Hick share his newfound fortune with you. The origin of, not the actual as-yet-to-be paid fortune.

"I was working over by the BARn, and this guy came up in here. He was talking to a bunch of people. He wants to buy the rock off our land. You know, like that guy down in the bottom sold his a couple years ago. The big rocks, that they load on a flatbed and sell to landscapers. This guy asked if I was interested. He wanted to look at the land, but I told him no! That we have plenty of rock down behind the house, but it is not for sale! Then I took him up to the boys' 10 acres on the hill. He said there is between $5000 and $7000 worth of rock there. I said I'd get back to him. I've got his card."

"Are you sure you want to do that? I hate it when they tear up the land. The water will run off and make gullies and pretty much carry our land away. It's on the hill, you know. The people at the bottom will end up with our land. AND his big truck will block the road, and tear it up. It will cost us more to fix the road for several years than the rocks will be worth."

"He said there's a place partway up the hill where he can get his truck off. I told him we own that flat part at the top, and he can pull off there."

"You mean by that guy who threatened to shoot you, and you threatened to shoot him, and he got arrested and had to pay $6000 to stay out of jail?"

"Yeah. I told the Rock Guy that the other guy might come out and start something, but just to tell him that I sent him up there."

"That should smooth it over."

"Yeah! And you might as well get used to the idea, because the guy across from the boys' land already told him he'd sell his rocks."

"Which guy? On our road here? By our house?"

"Uh huh. The one with the cabin."

"The one where those boys shot at you with a shotgun and peppered the roof of your cabin with buckshot?"

"Yeah. They weren't shooting at me. They just shot and didn't know what was through the trees. I went and straightened them out."

"I remember. So...that truck will tear up our road on the hill coming to the house, and we will be blocked going in and out."

"No. The Rock Guy will go in from the other side. It's on that V at the bottom. It has frontage on both roads. The truck will park by the boys' land. The cabin guy already has a place clear where he can park."

"I don't know. I guess I don't care. I just hate to see the land torn up."

"We can use that money to build my garage that I'm planning. With the freight containers. To keep from taking out money for it. I'll go see if he's still here. He was going next door."

First of all, I don't know what this Rock Guy was doing up in here. It's a private road. With NO TRESPASSING signs! Sioux saw them on her grand Gas Station Chicken Tour. It's like with a vampire. Solicitors have to be invited in by someone. Or they can be PROSECUTED! The sign says so. Sioux saw it! Anyhoo...Hick came back a couple of hours later.

"The Rock Guy asked me if the land behind our house had those big rocks like Neighbor has behind his house. I said, 'Ours are bigger than Neighbor's rocks! But they're not for sale! We have talked about it, and that's going to be our nest egg when we retire.' So you don't have to worry about me selling our house rocks right now!"

Let the record show that I have never discussed selling our rocks for retirement, with Hick or anyone else. And I'm not sure how beneficial it is to wait until retirement to establish a nest egg. Also, what happens if Rock Guy takes the rocks and doesn't pay? Can we file a police report and take him to court for stealing rocks off our land?

I hope I don't have to serve on the jury for my own rock theft lawsuit!

Now admit it...would you ever have guessed Hick's latest moneymaking venture?