C'mon! You know you're dying to hear more about Genius livin' la vida loca.
Saturday, within minutes of his father and half-brother hitting the road after moving his worldly possessions into his college rental house, Genius phoned me. He never does this when he can get rid of me faster by texting. I hate texting as much as Lou Grant hates spunk. I guess Genius was lonely in his new house with no roommates to join him in inappropriate activities. So he called Val for her entertainment value.
"Hey! That bed of Grandma's? It's the original one she and Grandpa bought."
"It's a firm mattress! No sags."
"Yes, it is a firm mattress. I'm laying on it now. I like a firm mattress."
"What makes you so sure it's the original? Why did you bring that up? While you're just lolling around in bed."
"I found the tag on it. It says 1970. And the price is $249.00."
"Oh! I can't wait to tell Sis that! I told her I'd pay half for the stuff you were taking. You know how she is. I'm going to say, 'Well, that bed cost $249.00 new. And now it's 45 years old. So I would say it has depreciated over the years. It's probably worth about $10.00 now. I'll write you a check for five."
I'll be danged if my sister the ex-mayor's wife is going to be more than a five-dollar daughter!
Or maybe you should take that mattress to the Antiques Roadshow...45 years old, it might be worth a fortune!
ReplyDeleteFirst I have to pay off Sis. Then the proceeds are mine!
DeleteMattresses are much more expensive these days, so he got a bargain.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly WHY he got the bargain instead of a new mattress. He has to spend his college fund on 1/4 of a cleaning lady to get mold out of the rental freezer.
DeleteBut that $10 mattress did some traveling, and probably got a little weathered. So perhaps in the delivery process (was it in the open bed of a truck?) it got slightly faded, and is now only worth $5.
ReplyDeleteWrite that sister of yours a check for $2.50.
It traveled on a trailer behind Hick's Ford F250 4WD Club Cab Long Bed with its companions: a dresser with double mirrors, an antique banker's desk, a washer, a dryer that needed hard-wiring because it had no plug, and a spare trailer tire that Hick got for $20 in case he had a blowout.
DeleteYou can take the mattress out of the bedroom, but you can't take Grandma and Grandpa out of the mattress. I think Sis owes ME money!
Better yet, tell her there was so much rumpy bumpy on that mattress that one side is broken down, and you aren't paying for it.
ReplyDeleteNO! What has been read cannot be unread! There was no rumpy bumpy on that mattress! My parents only did that twice! And Sis and I were already born when they bought that mattress.
DeleteOr you could tell her you'll give her half of what mattresses are worth if you sell them on Craigslist.(It's a trick. They won't let you sell used mattresses on Craigslist.) P.S. I wonder if she was like my mother, who really did keep all of the tags on bedding because of that warning about removing under penalty of law? My mother was so afraid of breaking those laws, I think she left ALL the tags on.
ReplyDeleteThat is a clever ploy in theory. However...Hick and I already tried that with the piano. Sis's counter idea was to donate it to the church.
DeleteWhen Genius called to tell me "There's a tag on the mattress--" I cut him off and hollered, "Don't remove it!" Like Mom, like Val. I will soon be appearing in Save A Lot stores buying slaw, and lamenting that I've been "gypped" by the sale software at the register.