Val Thevictorian. Now With TWO Breasts!

Val has connections, my friends. No longer does she list out of the gas station chicken store, lurching toward T-Hoe with an awkward sideways tilt, pulled off-center by her single breast.

Friday! It's FRIDAY. Bill-paying Friday, to be exact. Except Val no longer has bills to pay. More on that another day. First The Pony and I lost my mom from our bill-paying excursions, and now we've lost our bill. However, I had promised The Pony a Rally's mini funnel cake today. After all, I thought I would be driving to bill-paying town, the location of Rally's, to pay the house bill. But we don't have it anymore. Still. The Pony was hankerin' for a funnel cake.

On the way, he decided to have a burger for supper. With a funnel cake appetizer, and a funnel cake dessert. Except he didn't want to founder himself, so later he stashed one in Frig II for tomorrow. Anyhoo...we sent Hick a text to see if he, too, wanted a burger. No funnel cake. We got no answer. Since Rally's was fast approaching, I told The Pony to call Hick. He chastised me because it was the time Hick normally gets in his car that was my mom's, and starts the drive home. I told him to send one more text explaining that it was almost too late to Rally.

Wouldn't you know it! Within one minute, Hick sent a cryptic text. "Rallies is fine in meeting." He called about 20 minutes later.

"I was in a meeting. I couldn't answer. My phone kept going off. So I checked it. It made a mess of the meeting."

"WHAT? Don't you turn your phone off when you're in a meeting?"

"No. Sometimes. If I remember."

"What kind of employee doesn't turn his phone off in a meeting? It's a MEETING! For WORK! We always turn our phones off when we have a meeting. We're professionals."

"Huh. It was okay. No harm done."

"Then why are you making a big deal of it? How was I supposed to know you were in a meeting? In fact, when you didn't answer, I told The Pony you must be in a meeting. 'He'll see it when he's out,' I said. Because I was sure you would have your phone turned off if you were in a meeting."

"No. It was on."

Seriously. That guy will be lucky if he makes it to retirement. This Val will be MORE lucky if he makes it to retirement. Anyhoo...the point it that Hick requested a burger while we were pulling up to the Rally's speaker. That meant I didn't have to warm up any food in the oven or heat it in the microwave. So I decided to have gas station chicken, my old friend, when I picked up a Friday evening celebratory 44 oz Diet Coke.

I bellied up to the chicken counter and asked for my usual. A breast. The jolly chicken gal missing a front tooth was training a new guy. She told him, "Give her two. We're backed up with chicken. I've got another tray going now. We have been slow on chicken for a Friday. We need to get rid of some to make room."

Let the record show it was 4:45, nearing the get-off-work rush. I suppose this being the last weekend of the month, and the Labor Day holiday coming up next weekend, folks are saving their chicken money.

"Okay. So I put in two?"

"Yeah. But not with everybody! I only give them to my regulars. She's a regular."

Heh, heh. That there is proof that Val is not irregular, by cracky!

So...I went in to buy one breast, paid for one breast, and left with TWO BREASTS!

It's who you know, people. It's who you know.