MAYDAY! And I'm Not Talking About Weaving Ribbons Around a Pole.

Oh, what heap of crap Val piles when first she struggles to open files.

I was trying to get into my work info yesterday. Trying to get a jump start, see my rosters, watch required videos, check on whether my personal playlists transferred during the migration to Google this summer. You know. Val was being a model employee. Without much success.

It all started with that blasted turn-of-the-century-style program in which we keep our grades. I swear. If we didn't have to reinvent the wheel every time we access or input data, there would be more time for Val to practice her stand-up routine with her captive audience. Just joking. Unlike my stand-up routine.

I had already taken a peek at the new data on July 17th. It worked fine then. I followed the directions and downloaded and completed each step before I could open the file. But yesterday, it would not open. Just out of spite, I'm sure. Or there was a newer update in the last two weeks. So I looked everywhere. In my downloads. In my All Programs. I did a search, which yielded 8 items. Five of them were from the date of July 17th. I tried to open the file with one of them. Nope. Couldn't open. My computer couldn't read the file. Did I want to delete the shortcut? Why sure! What good is a shortcut that won't let you in? NO good. No DARN good! So I merrily deleted it, and another one that did the same thing.

Then I came to a download that asked me what program I wanted to open the file with. It had Adobe Acrobat, 64.2 version. Not really. But you know how they are always coming out with those NEWER versions, that never work as well as the older versions that Val is used to. It asked if I wanted the internet to find the best program to open it with. SURE! That helpful internet! I clicked on that button.

Alas, Microsoft said that version was not yet ready. Can you believe it? There was a little highlighted word that said ENGLISH, as in, did I want to view that version. Why sure! Val speaks English! But then it did nothing. Not a thing. So I logged out of all my work stuff, and shut down my browser. Perhaps I've mentioned how it hangs up if FireFox is open for a while.

Well. My desktop was full of red squiggly thingies. The Adobe Acrobat! Doing a routine all over my desktop! No FireFox. It was gone, baby, gone! I sent a quick text of distress to Genius. That's what we're paying for him to go to college for, you know!

Within one minute, Genius came to the rescue.

"Let me remote in. Don't do anything for the moment. I'm connecting." Yeah. The best thing I ever did was give Genius remote access to my New Delly.

"Should I restart? Do a system restore? Help meeeeeee!" Jeff Goldblum as The Fly could not have been more plaintive.

"I have no idea what you've done, but we'll figure it out." Genius has a great deskside manner on the occasional blue moon.

I confessed to what I'd done.

"Don't let it search for what to open with. And this won't happen again."

It was scary, watching my screen go through a bunch of quickly-clicked steps.

"Reboot your computer."

"Waiting for your instructions before I touch anything."

"You seem to be fixed. You're welcome."

"I WAS typing thank you, you know. I'm just slow." No need for him to act like Nick Burns, your company computer guy.

So...my New Delly is fixed for now. But Wednesday morning, Genius is coming home for three hours to set up my NEWNEW Delly and transfer my valuable data. Not sure of his official name yet. It's the computer Genius built. Maybe I can get a picture. Maybe not.