The Sword Shack is adjacent to the Little Barbershop of Horrors. So you fellas come on down! Thevictorians will serve your hirsutorial and sharp-implement needs! AND...if you weigh less than 40 pounds, and know how to saddle-break a bronc...there might be mini-pony rides!
Bring your ladies, too! We'll hold a Fall Festival. Have a grand opening. Val can set up a courtyard of taste treats. She won't be fryin' up fresh pork skins (well, not unless Hick mysteriously procures two more pot-bellied pigs, which is an old-time story for another day), but if Hick can find her a wood stove with an oven at the auction, you can watch the fresh World Famous Chex Mix being stirred lovingly every 15 minutes for two hours. There might be a slaw stand! Enjoy a Leaning Tower O' Soup! Be sure to bring your old Cool Whip containers to cart home your leftovers.
Free refills can be had on 44/88/1111 oz Diet Cokes, as long as you get a sticker on the cup/mug/keg your pay to fill the first time.
Defy death with our Park In My Driveway At Your Own Risk challenge.
Gator tours are available until dusk. Watch and listen as Sweet, Sweet Juno and Poor Dumb Ann bark their fool heads off and run ahead of the Gator. Buy them cat kibble from the self-dispensing machine.
You might want to bring a basket. Any eggs found become the property of the finder. Not responsible for flogging roosters. Take note. Actress Rene Zellweger has been banned from our theme park for putting a flogging rooster in a pot.
We have crafts! A shop where you can get a hole put in the knee of your sweatpants. If Genius is on the premises, he will fashion small gewgaws for you on his homemade 3D printer. The Pony will allow you to make ribbons suitable for hanging his academic medals around his neck. Hick will hold a class on how to make everyday objects take the place of bona fide parts for repair purposes, namely using an old crutch to prop open the hatch of your T-Hoe when the hydraulic lift goes kerflooey.
Make plans now to attend The First Annual Thevictorian Fall Festival. Admission (what else?) FIVE DOLLARS.
See you here.
$5? I spent ten times that on MY tour, and didn't get nearly the same number of attractions and rides.
ReplyDeleteSomething is fishy...
Yes, but the police follow you, due to subterfuge in the gas station chicken store, and the suspected attempt to blow up the giant plywood 150th Birthday cake beside the stoplight.
DeleteCrime doesn't pay, Madam. It costs.
I'll be there!!
ReplyDeleteYou'll have a blast! Bring lots of five-dollar bills. Fun ain't cheap. And then there's that bail money fund for the Madam above...
DeleteWill there be dirty water cocktails?
ReplyDeleteThere will be setups available. FOR FIVE DOLLARS! We have plenty of dirty water. You might not believe this, but some people like it just fine without the alcohol! That's what I hear from the east coast, anyway.
DeleteSounds like a plan. By the way, tell Hick nice work on the sword shack.
ReplyDeleteSpoken like a man who has many five dollarses at his disposal. I will pass on your kind word about Hick's work.
DeleteHave you ever considered having Hick build you a writing shack? Those guys of yours could really put on a carnival/auction/robotics competition while you cook up the vittles. Sounds like a good time. I'd shell out five bucks for some shell games.
ReplyDeleteYES! I have considered it. Let the record show that I even asked him, and gave him a drawing on a note card with the shape, kind of a little half barn with a lean-to style front porch, and Hick said, "You need to go down to Lowe's and look at those sheds they have sitting on the lot." Yeah. My sweet baboo is all about constructing outbuildings for everything EXCEPT what I want it for!
DeleteSounds like fun and a bargain at 5 dollars!
ReplyDeleteYou are correct! The only better thing you could get for five dollars would be four cups and a plate from the Dollar Store. See the next post to see what I mean!
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