Hick Could Take a Baby Lesson From Johnny Castle

Sometimes I think Hick is killing me with kindness. Not that he's actually kind. He SAYS he's kind. But that's a loose interpretation, professed by the unimpartial Hick.

Earlier this week, we both took The Pony to an appointment. As with all unfamiliar buildings that we enter, Hick and The Pony hung back. Made me go first. Like Jerry doesn't wanna be a pirate, Val doesn't wanna be a leader. At least I didn't have to wear an embarrassing leader shirt because I nodded to a low-talker. Situations like this are the only time Hick holds a door open for me.

Does Hick ever demonstrate his kindness by dropping me off at a door before parking the car? No. As in this case, he said he was doing me a favor by parking on the end of the row so I could open my door all the way (which IS something I prefer). But when I opened my door all the way to step out, there was an upturned concrete tire-stopper laying alongside T-Hoe. I couldn't step down in front of it without putting my shin under the car. I couldn't step down behind it because my legs weren't long enough. I tried to step on it, but it rocked back and forth like an Olympic-caliber ankle-breaker. I finally held onto the handhold and the door, and lowered myself, like a male gymnast seeking the gold medal in the rings competition, with an iron cross.

Once inside, Hick deserted me. He disappeared behind a partition. After waiting in line to get paperwork so I could later stand in line again, I found that he had picked my seat. (Heh, heh. I said picked my seat!) It was IN THE CORNER right by the door to the inner sanctum. Everybody walking by had to step over my feet and those of the revolving person who chose to sit directly across from me and cough up questionable microbes in that air space, a scant four feet between us.

Oh, but that's not all. Not only does Val prefer not to be put in a corner across from hackers, but she also prefers to sit on a chair that does not have a rip down the middle as if somebody took a pocket knife to the Naugahyde in order to pinch Val's tender nether regions each time she shifted to get less uncomfortable.

Let the record show that there was another seat available, away from the center of the action, where Val could have been more unobstrusive and more comfortable. I broached this subject with the Hickster after we left. "But Mom! There was a lady sitting there already!" Huh. Like that should have anything to do with it! Hick could have asked her to move. He could have asked her if I could sit on her lap. He could have grabbed the back of that chair and dumped her out of it. He could have pretended that her name was called on the other side of the partition. He could have picked her up and carried her to the corner he reserved for me. Hick refuses to consider the possibilities.

I've a good mind to steal some wallets at the Sheldrake, and pin it on Hick.