Monday, September 1, 2014

Val is Not Quite Ready to Publish Her Own Cookbook

Hick fired up Gassy G this evening to grill some hamburgers and pork steaks. I contributed a baked potato for The Pony, who simply loves that single vegetable, and some delectable baked beans and fresh strawberries. Not that they were mixed, of course. I would have tossed in a salad, but The Pony is a grazer who is pushing it to eat three items, and Hick loves him some meat. No fillers for him.

My baked beans were actually made in a saucepan on top of the stove. I know you believe Hick, that I only "cook" by warming things in the oven or heating them in the microwave. But I'm branching out. I used to bake the beans in the oven. I like them when they get a little crusty on top. However, my oldest stepson once asked, "What's the matter with these beans?" So I stopped that for a while in shame. Even though that was my desired result. The kid also asked his dad once, when I was working late at open house, "Where's the cheese?" Because Hick made him a grilled cheese sandwich with a single slice of Kraft American Singles, while I had always made it with slabs of Velveeta. We won't even go into the "stringy meat" meal. Let's just say that kid was thin as a rail, so perhaps he was a bit of a finicky eater. And his dad accused him of holding his utensils like a future prison inmate, with the handles in his fists, but he really did turn out fairly normal.

Anyhoo...getting back to my beans, I didn't really start from scratch. I sliced some maple-cured bacon, diced an onion, browned them in the saucepan, then added a big can of KC Masterpiece Pulled Pork Baked Beans. Oh! But I didn't stop there. I added some yellow mustard, some Save A Lot hickory barbecue sauce, and some Worcestershire sauce. Then I simmered them about an hour and let them set until time to warm them for supper.

Mmmm. The best baked beans ever. A can of KC Masterpiece on the stovetop.

At least I didn't hand Hick a spoon and the can.


  1. Hmmm...a slab of Velveeta melted on top of those beans would go really well.

  2. Holding his utensils like a future prison inmate! I am still laughing. My ex-husband used to do that and I am sure he still does. He shoveled his food in. And yes, it drive me crazy!


  3. Some of those canned beans are so good I don't know why people bother cooking them from scratch. It sounds like there was something on your table today to satisfy everyone. Take care.

  4. Baked beans is one of those things I love but nobody else around here will help me eat them. If you'll hang in there I'll be right over to help you finish them off.

  5. Bush's Baked Beans are the best. Well, next to yours, of course, Val.

  6. joeh,
    Must be some kind of Jersey delicacy. Velveeta is best for melting with Save A Lot salsa and crumbled pork sausage to make dip for the Super Bowl. Use Scoops for your chip.

    Not only the utensil grasp, but he liked to hold down his pork chop with his hand while cutting it with his knife. That's because he was forbidden to pick it up to eat without silverware. Which is what his and I did when the boys weren't there.

    You ain't a-woofin'! But I like to add a personal touch. Unlike the cooks at school who open a 55-gallon drum and pour cold beans onto the students' trays.

    Um. Surely you are not assuming there are any left! Hick had his way with them, then put half of the remainder in a tub with a BBQ hamburger for lunch, and the other half in a tub for supper tonight. You'll lose an arm if you try to mess with Hick's beans.

    I'll know later tonight, after Hick has eaten them three times in 24 hours.

    Quite the complimentarian, you are. I suppose you had to push the Bush's, so Duke will sell you the secret recipe while the rest of us are watching that beautiful bean footage.