Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I Think I Kind of Went Up One Dollar

FYI, people, I was almost the TWELVE-DOLLAR DAUGHTER today. Almost.

I can't really blame Mom for getting my hopes up. I dropped by her house to kill an hour and a half before my doctor's appointment this morning. She made me wait a good long time on the porch after I rang the doorbell. When she came to the door, I said, "Can I share a Watchtower with you?" I think that went right over her head. Let the record show that I did not take my shoes off when I entered, but I did say that I'd like to sit in the living room.

Mom was still in her jammies. She really didn't have much of an excuse for making me stand there resting my hand on the brick, very near a harvestman, I noticed almost too late. "I couldn't see who was out here. I thought, 'Now who could that be this time of morning?'" Like I hadn't just talked to her at 6:00 about going to the doctor. I told her she could ride along, even though we're paying the bills on Friday after school. The only stipulation was that I would not allow her to go inside.

"I don't want you around all those sick people."

"I could wait downstairs, over by radiology. That's an open area. I'll take my Sudoku books you got me for Christmas. I'm almost done with another one."

"That might not be a good idea. What if they notice that you are not signing up for a test. They'll think I dumped you there for elder care. They'll get on the speaker: 'Whose elder is this? Who left this lady in radiology? Please come get her now.' That's not going to go over well."

"I'll just sit in the car. I love to people-watch."

"I'll leave you the keys. I don't want you to get overheated, even though it's only 49 degrees right now. Besides, you might run out of oxygen. If you get light-headed, open your door for some fresh air."

"Oh, I might step out and stretch my legs. I might walk around to sit in The Pony's seat."

"Whatever. I know how much you like my Sirius XM country station. The radio will go off after 10 minutes. Then you have to turn the key forward and back."

"Okay. I'll be fine."

Mom put on her going-to-town-but-not-getting-out clothes. Her ensemble did NOT include the gray sweatpants with the hole in the knee. She dug around in her purse, and showed me two fives and two ones. "I have this much money with me. That will be enough, won't it? I really want to give you some money for that triple antibiotic ointment you gave me for my face. So you can get some more for your house."

"We have another tube of it, Mom. I don't need your money."

Off we went. I left Mom in T-Hoe with her Sudoku. I had to park in the last row. When I came out ninety minutes later, I had gotten past the first two rows when I saw Mom emerge from The Pony's door and start toward me.

"What's wrong? Why are you out?"

"I just came to get your purse and carry it for you."

That's my mom! She sprung for six dollars worth of frozen custard. Funny how she tucked that other five and one back into her purse, after flashing them at me before we left the house.

Maybe I should have let her go in the doctor's office with me. Or maybe she should have brought me that free frozen custard last time she was out with my sister. Not that I hold a grudge or anything.


  1. I can imagine your mom at a stop light jumping out to change seats.

  2. Older folks are peculiar with money. My mother is always saying things like, "Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves." Huh?

  3. Sioux,
    Her preferred reveal is that spot of knee skin just behind the hole in her gray sweatpants that she wears to Arby's.

    I demand justice! How could she not take FREE expired frozen yogurt and give it to her Five-Dollar Daughter? After all the leftovers and scraps I've give to her...NOTHING was the thanks I got!

    And she might just call it a "gypper's fire drill."

    Well, well, well. The dollars are certainly mature, now aren't they? Not so the childish pennies, always flinging themselves to the floor and parking lot for a tantrum until somebody picks them up.

  4. I think it's so sweet that you and your mom talk every day and that you look out for one another...

  5. Lynn,
    You never know when slaw might go on sale! We have each other's backs.