Thursday, August 8, 2013

My Compliments on the Schlep

I'm about to become an honest woman again. Back to work on Monday. Today I took The Pony to school to pick up his schedule and locker assignment. Okay, it was just an excuse to use him as a beast of burden in my classroom. To set out all my textbooks. To readjust the furniture after the summer waxing. You know. To lift and carry 31 desks and 31 chairs to their proper positions, because we can't scoot them. That would mar the fresh wax. Oh, and to help me haul the classroom tables to the right places, and move the file cabinet across the room after finding a dolly to load it on. You're not going to believe this...


I was happier than Goldilocks having sweet dreams during a nap in a cushy bed after sitting a spell in a comfy chair and consuming some scrumptious porridge. It could not have been better if a silky unicorn had come trotting down the hall on hoofs that tinkled with jingle bells, snorting rainbows, his gleaming horn stacked with Krispy Kreme donuts, bearing a basket each of precious puppies and fluffy kittens, held by Goran Visnjic in a chamois loincloth.

Every single one of my 31 desks with their accompanying chairs were placed JUST RIGHT in the precise position that I favor. And each of the four feet on each of the 31 desks and 31 chairs were wearing CHAIR SHOES! That's 248 furniture shoes, people! To keep the gleaming tile scuffless.

The bag containing my school laptop was laid upon my desk. And it contained ALL OF MY MARKED ELECTRONIC ACCOUTREMENTS! The tower of amplifier, DVD player, and VCR was stacked just right. All the wires were hooked up. AND IT WORKED! The phone and printer were exactly as I left them, even thought they had been moved out and cleaned. My three tables were in the right places. The mini-fridge and microwave were back where they belong, and they were PLUGGED IN. Whew! I thought I was going to swoon there for a moment.

It was all I could do to prevent myself from twirling around and around in the center of my classroom, singing "The halls are alive, with the sound of competence."

Is there an Oscar, Tony, or Emmy kind of honor for custodians? A "Scrubby," perhaps? Because I am nominating our two building custodians and their summer helpers. They don't even have to thank me in their acceptance speech when they win. Somebody is going to have extra Chex Mix under the tree at Christmas.

Kudos to my cleaning colleagues! Have I mentioned that they are women?


  1. As a former janitor's assistant I applaud your praise for the custodians at your school. And send me some of that Chex Mix.

  2. I've heard that one school district (I won't name names) switched classroom computers for new ones (the old ones worked just fine) and the new ones don't have a DVD player-drawer thingy (see how technical I am?)despite the also newly-purchased writing program comes with DVDs.

    I am glad everything is right with YOUR classroom. I've spent all week pitching and purging and shoving and hiding.

  3. So often we forget to thank people for doing the job RIGHT. When things run smoothly we often just barge on without giving thought to all it took to make that moment happen. Yes. Tell them. Send them rainbows and unicorns. And Chex Mix.

    As unbelievable attractive as Goran Visnjic is---he scares the socks off me because I can still remember him in "Practical Magic." eeeeeeee!

  4. You are lucky. I worked at a school where equipment "WALKED" away. I saw a stove walk out once! Electronics, forget it! Couldn't keep them chained down.

    It's nice to see the flip side of Val, all sweet and mellow :)

  5. Stephen,
    Thank goodness they have never found my comments offensive while they are in charge of mopping. If you contact me around Christmas as a reminder, I might be able to send a little taste of my World Famous Chex Mix. Just enough to get you hooked, so you clamor for it like a teacher on summer vacation clamors for 44 oz. Diet Coke.

    THE HORROR! The old working computers were probably sold off in a lot as used electronics. Put out to pasture before their time.

    You must be exhausted. How do find time to WORK, Madam, with this strenuous exercise program you have been following?

    All it takes is a little competency to make my day!

    I always tell them, and I usually tell my/their boss. I must draw the line somewhere. They're NOT getting Goran. Just because you don't appreciate Jimmy Angelov's whole vampire cowboy thing...only means there's more of him to go around for the rest of us. Even if he has to claw himself out of the very fertile soil under a rose bush.

    All sweet and all mellow make Val a dull gal. That's's like the first line of my manuscript. And the last line. AND ALL THE LINES IN BETWEEN! I feel like I'm snowed-in at the Overlook Hotel.

    You and your walking appliances! Couldn't you just make some new ones out of old cardboard and bread wrappers and twist ties?

  6. It's the little things in life that give us pleasure. Kudos to your custodians, and how sweet of Pony to help his momma.

  7. Donna,
    Our custodians were new to our building last year. They are fantastic. The Pony has always been a helper. For free. Not a mercenary bone in his body.