Thursday, August 1, 2013

As the Stomach Churns

I had a close call last week. This might not be the best thing to read if you're weak of stomach. Thank goodness I am my own quality control inspector.

When The Pony and I take off for town, I grab a 44 oz. styrofoam cup suitable for refilling with Diet Coke. Yes, I have three spares in T-Hoe, but I always bring one from the house. That's because you never know when you might run into somebody who wants a giant beverage. Cheap. And I learned my lesson that day I only had one car cup with me, and I tottered like a Whoville Who on a homemade Whocycle as I walked around the back-end of T-Hoe, and crunched my cup with a not-so-svelte hip against his rear bumper.

I wash out my refill cup every night, or morning. As we leave, I run a little bit of water into it, and add five or six ice cubes from Frig's freezer door. Two birds, one stone. I can quench my thirst if needed, and then toss it out to refill with Diet Coke. No need for a separate water cup.

It might have been the day I was readying Hick's passport renewal materials, or gathering bills. I asked The Pony to get my cup and put a little water and ice in it. He knows the drill. He's usually standing there while I do this last-minute task myself. Let the record show that there's always a 44 oz. cup drying in the sink drainer, and one or two outer cups on the kitchen counter. Those are cups that have outlived their usefulness, and act as insulators to hold the precious full cup of Diet Coke as it sits on my desk all afternoon.

I rushed into the kitchen, grabbed my cell phone from the charger, and took the water cup The Pony handed me. I looked inside to make sure there was not too much or too little water. THERE WAS BROWN DIET COKE WATER IN THE ICE! And brown stains on the side. And The Pony thought I was going to sip on that while driving. The horror! Seems The Pony had grabbed an outer cup, not washed every day, and added water and ice.

I had not felt that queasy since Genius was a toddler asking for sips of my Bubba Cup of ice water. Since that day I popped the lid off that night, and saw that the inch of fluid in the bottom resembled the waters of the Missouri River. The Big Muddy. Like frothy hot chocolate. With the froth being toddler saliva.

Kids and drinking just don't mix.


  1. That brown water will cost you $7.25 in Jersey.

  2. But sometimes drinking equals (results in) kids.

    Whoopsy! (as my seven-year old granddaughter says.)

  3. And to think we actually swapped spit (and other bodily fluids) in order to create those slobbering babies.

  4. It's only a matter of time until I'm contacted to participate in a Diet Coke intervention for you.

  5. The real worry is that ice fromt he ice machines. One of the news shows claimed that the fountain ice has more bacteria than...was it the toilet seat? In any case, I think they may be on to something. I found a fingernail in my ice at Taco Bell. Well that's the end of that!

  6. joeh,
    Dang! Dirty water is so much cheaper here in the heartland.

    There's got to be some kind of O. Henry story there. Dirty water gives you kids/kids give you dirty water.

    It's a messy business, all that kid stuff.

    I bet your letter that you read to me will be the best! Clear your calendar. I only have one more week to lay around on my rumpus eating bonbons and swilling Diet Coke. I'll need to taper off when school starts. Back to being a weekend Diet Coker.

    Now how am I supposed to top THAT? I found a huge man's toenail in a braided rug my grandma gave me. Doesn't hold a candle to your fingernail.

    I suppose it's a good thing that I only put a smidgen of ice in my 44 oz. Diet Coke. As it is, I fear I am only getting 43 ounces. I add ice at home to ensure maximum Diet Cokage.