Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Genius Has a Lot To Learn

Genius has developed a bad habit just before heading off to college. No, it's not a 44 oz. Diet Coke habit. It's a 44 oz. Cherry Lime Lemonade Sprite habit. I don't know how he could have succumbed to such an addiction.

It all started earlier this week. He asked me to bring him a soda from town. Not just any soda. In fact, he really wanted a Cherry Limeade. That wasn't happenin'. No Sonic in this neighborhood. Dairy Queen, with all their flavors ready for the squirtin', declared that they did not have cherry limeade. I'm sure a more creative employee could have concocted one. So...I was left to my own devices, and Genius's backup instructions.

It went a little like this. "Get a cup not the size of yours, but the next size down. Fill it about half full of ice. Put in the cherry flavoring. Add Sprite." He refused to use one of my 44 oz. cups, even thought it meant an $.80 charge rather than a $1.20 charge. Oh, well. It's less spending money available for him in college. I spied a dispenser for pink lemonade, and added that to give it a sour kick. Like limeade. Only lemony. And pink. But I figured the cherry would camouflage the pinkness.

He liked it! He really liked it! But the next day, he commanded me to find a tiny plastic hollow lime ca[able of squirting lime juice. And to get a 44 oz. drink. Made the same way, of course, because it was good, it just needed lime. He could not do this himself, because he did not know what I put in. And he could not use one of my refill cups, because around the top they had a slight discoloration from the lid clamping Diet Coke into the styrofoam. Shh...we keep extra cups in T-Hoe. I carried out one cup, mine, he thought, and The Pony handed me another one in the car. Voila! Refill price.

Three days now, and I've been looking like a two-fisted 44-ounce drinker. Wouldn't you know it, today the Voice of the Village was out of cherry flavoring. But I pumped that several-gallon plastic jar for all I was worth, and gathered enough cherry nectar to suffice. Oh, and they were out of long straws. But that didn't really matter, because THEY WERE ALSO OUT OF DIET COKE! I had to drive to the gas station chicken store for MY refill. So I got him a straw there.

Now if I could just stop him from throwing away his cup every day...


  1. Being a genius isn't easy, or should I say being the mother of a genius isn't easy?

  2. I ordered a Cherry Limeade in NJ, but it just tasted like dirty water.

  3. Addictions. They are what makes the world go around. As long as we're confessing/putting in orders--could you pick up a large soft pretzel with those big chunks of salt and a coating of parmesan cheese? Please.

  4. Here's what I think happened: someone whose genius child also came up with a concoction sent his mom to the store for a refill. Sensing that she'd have to head to town for his beverage several times a week, she pumped her 44 oz recycled cup full of that cherry elixir, and left the rest of you high and dry.

  5. Stephen,
    Drinking 44 oz. Diet Cokes all summer is easy.

    Well, there you go. That explains the great non-alcoholic spirits conspiracy in your fair state.

    Ooh! That would go so good with a 44 oz. Diet Coke! No parmesan, though. It smells like feet. I might as well be swilling dirty water.

    That is a most plausible scenario. The 44 oz. cup of cherry elixir would keep much better than the plastic lime full of lime juice that the boy LICKED after the first drops were released.

  6. I think your son is making some last gasping grasps, trying to grab onto his mother's love before flitting away from the nest.

  7. Sioux,
    Yet when asked if he will miss me, he pauses as if in contemplation, looks into my eyes, and says, "No." When his mouth is not full of one of his three "last meals" or the muffins of his "last breakfast," of course.

    I had a good mind not to explain to him what a mattress cover was, and how it goes on the inside of the sheet. Or that it is customary to take sheets and pillowcases out of their plastic packages and wash them before use.