Monday, August 12, 2013

I Need to Keep a Ledger

I think Genius owes me one. Or maybe Hick owes me one. Whatever. I'm going to call in my debts one of these days, and those two had better start socking away some dough.

Perhaps I've mentioned that Genius moved away to the college dorm on Saturday. Hick and his oldest boy, Genius's adult half-brother, helped with the heavy lifting. I stayed home. First of all, I would not have been a help, but rather a hindrance. And besides, the pool of tears would have risen up to thwart their maximum oxygen uptake. The main reason, though, was that I did not want to embarrass Genius in front of his new dormie buddies.

Sunday, Hick made a return trip to drop off some forgotten computer wiring, and the very special desk chair that Genius got for $10 at Goodwill. He puttered around before departure time, nearly purring with pleasure at seeing Genius once more. I spied him driving his Gator in laps around the house. He went to check on his goats and chickens. It was through the living room window that I spotted him climb out of the Gator, and sensed something amiss.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Something to do with apparel. Hick is not known for wearing plain white T-shirts. They always have a logo on the left chest. Or a word emblazoned across the front. This one was plain. Yet there was some funky fancy stitchwork around the sleeves. A gray strip along the back of the neck. Then I knew. It was one of those Starter shirts that wick away moisture. They're really very cool for the wearer. Genius has them in many colors. He used to use them for basketball practice, and to mow his grandma's yard. The Pony has several himself. Most notably, The Pony has about five of those shirts in white. They're like a uniform to him in the summer, because no matter what shorts he pairs them with, he's fashionable. I knew that Hick would not fit into The Pony's shirts. Then I remembered that I had bought him one to work at a junior-class fundraiser at Busch stadium in the heat of last summer.

That gray strip is what tipped me off. Those shirts don't have a gray strip. Except on the inside.

Hick was wearing his shirt inside out.

As soon as he came in, saying he was ready to leave, I told him. He denied it at first. Then looked at the shoulder stitching. Took it off. Reversed it. And thanked me.

I'm not the only one who doesn't want to embarrass Genius.


  1. Do these shirts work (keep you cool) if worn inside out?

  2. I am helpful that way as well. I am always glad to assist, and point out when my husband missed some of his (white) whiskers when he shaved.

    I think I deserve a Mother Theresa award, as altruistic as I am...

  3. I think it must be a guy thing. They don't seem to check these types of things before they go out of the door in the morning.

  4. Hope you're not too sad about Genius being off to college... and you're right, Hick owes you.

  5. Linda,
    Thank goodness you read this one at a respectable hour, and did not wake your fork-stealing husband.

    That is a good question, said Val the science teacher. You'd think, perhaps, that this might hold heat IN! I suggest that you design an experiment using the six steps of the scientific method to test that hypothesis. Get back to us with the results. You can find those shirts at Walmart.

    You will have to wrest that Mother Teresa award from my talon-like old-crone grasp. It's MINE. I am much more giving that you. Unless, of course, you wish to donate that Crown of the Princess of Procrastination to prove your selfless generosity.

    Because who does he have to impress? He already caught ME!

    Hick is sadder than me about Genius's exit. He says he feels like someone reached down inside his chest to squeeze his heart. Or it could just be those taquitos I fed him for supper last night.

  6. Oy! The Leaving of the Nest. Rips out a mother's heart and turns a Dad inside out. Big sympathies. But it sounds like Genius is well prepared for the big jump. You two did good.

  7. Leenie,
    We were dismembered for a bit, but now we are re-membering. Of course, the stalking may resume when I have more time.