We're friends, right? You and me? Besties? Except for my BFF Google, of course. But after that, we're likethis, right? So I want to share a little secret with you. Shh...not just anybody can find out.
I can almost make something kind of like a Market Fresh Chicken Salad Sandwich from Arby's!
It's true. Shh...don't let this get out. I don't want to hurt corporate business. People need to keep buying gas and driving to Arby's for their chicken salad sandwich fix. I, however, shall have my homemade Val's Chicken Salad Nearwich. Here's how it goes:
First you cube or shred a leftover boneless chicken breast that you baked on Tuesday. It should have no seasonings on it, because you ran out of lemon pepper, and in the heat of the moment shook a little garlic salt and fresh-ground pepper onto Hick's portion, but left yours unadorned.
Next, you take a half-full bag of whole pecans that your mom gave you last Christmas to make Chex Mix with off the top shelf of your freezer, shake a few onto your Everyday China, and cut them into thirds.
Then you find the bag of Granny Smith apple slices that you bought last Sunday on the bottom shelf of Frig, where that bag somehow opened itself and disgorged half its contents to parts unknown, then lay back with its top open like some common tart. Dice about eight slices to the size of dice. You know. The gambling thingies that teachers have to call "number cubes."
Dump these three ingredients into a recycled Dairy Queen Grilled Chicken Salad black plastic bowl. Notice that it's not big enough, and pour the contents into your favorite smallest brown plastic mixing bowl. Sprinkle on about a sixth of an envelope of Hidden Valley Ranch Dip powder left over from seasoning the vegetables in a pot roast two weeks ago. Grind some fresh black pepper out of the silver bullet pepper grinder that your bestest friend and ex-teaching buddy Mabel gave you one Christmas.
Shake around those damp dry ingredients. Add several dollops of Kraft mayonnaise. NOT Miracle Whip! Shake in one packet of Splenda. Stir the whole kit 'n' caboodle with one of your serving spoons that have all been deformed by the men of the house ignoring the three ice cream scoops.
Serve on Oat Nut bread, which is a poor substitute for the Market Fresh tasty hearty wheaty multigrain stuff.