Friday, August 10, 2012

A Real Pain in my HPICCET

Here I sit, licking my wounds. Then applying a soothing salve made from Diet Coke and soon-to-be-proven-false promises. Wounds inflicted by the breakdown of my Heat Pump Inside Cooling Coil Element Thingamajigger that was apparently just fine one short week ago, so fine that he had an appetite for two pounds of Freon.

Funny how after forking over the dough for that feedbag, my HPICCET suddenly took ill. Gluttony is not pretty. And is not cheap. The Freon Chef returned this morning to see what he hath wrought. It seems that my HPICCET has an inoperable ailment. The only cure is a transplant. Have you checked into the price of HPICCET transplants lately? To grind salt into the gaping wound, HPICCET has a pre-existing conditon. He has already reached the cap on his warranty, having required a major procedure some years previous.

Now the dilemma. To secure a transplant for HPICCET to the tune of $1500 with a warranty of one year, or put him down along his entire unit, and welcome a new inside cooling unit into our home for an adoption fee of $1800. Yes. Tough choice. But we have chosen to euthanize HPICCET.

Even more depressing than the low blow to our semi-deep pockets, and the loss of our fickle HPICCET, is the fact that the adoption process will take three days. Do you grasp the gravity of my situation? NO AIR CONDITIONING UNTIL MONDAY AFTERNOON!

I feel faint. Crazy from the heat. At least we do not reside in a concrete jungle. Our sweltering temperatures abate a bit overnight. It is the best of times. It is the worst of times. Hey! That would be a catchy opening to a novel, don't you think? One one hand, the forecast calls for the mildest temperatures in the past month. For the whole summer, almost. But on the other hand, I return to work on Monday. There shall be much frantic rushing around. My cool morning shower will be negated by the oppressive heat and humidity blanket that shall drape itself over my rustic home like a John Carpenter horror movie. But without Adrienne Barbeau.

This has been The Summer of Even Steven, Harsh Taskmaster. I am curious to see what good things await.


  1. Raining and cooler in Ohio. It may sag south.

  2. You are really making it difficult for me to take my air conditioning for granted.

  3. Nothing like a dollop of Dickens to begin my day...

    It warms my heart that you're going to chill your flesh with an adopted unit. After all, adoptees were "shopped for." They're the chosen ones. Other folks are stuck with whatever/whoever comes down the pike. (Yes, in this case, we ain't talkin' 'bout no pipe cleaner-filled craft project, so "pike" is appropriate.)

  4. Oh Val, always the optimist. Three days? Ha! That is man speak for at least a week. Better invest in some big-time, hard blowing fans! Good luck.

  5. Joanne,
    We were caught in the gap between two fronts. Cold air (compared to 107 degrees) was slipping down from Canada. We opened windows and turned on the attic fan last night around 8:00. This morning, we were at 65 degrees inside. Of course, it is now 79 upstairs. So I just turned on that fan again.

    Feel my pain! I command you! If Val is miserable, everybody must be miserable.

    Ahh...the pike rears its misunderstood head again. I'm hoping my new unit won't come with any undesirable habits. I don't know if I could afford an air conditioner whisperer.

    Hick has connections. So he gets moved to the top of the list. Of course, if he had GOOD connections, things would stay fixed. We have ceiling fans everywhere but the bathrooms. And the basement. No need for an unfortunate decapitation. What with the headless man already in residence.