Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Get Your TailBaiters Here

I am starting a sideline. Items to be sold on the counter in the office of my handbasket factory outlet. I think I'll call them TailBaiters.

These products can be affixed to your rear bumper to send a message to tailgaters. I have several models in mind.

See the Birdie - a forearm and hand that flip out and flip off the offender.

Got Skillz? - a stick-on electronic type sign that runs a red-light-lettered scroll of driving schools in the local area.

Caged Pete - a tiny door opens to release Pete, a hyperactive two-year-old who has been feeding on two liters of grape soda from a self-watering pet bottle attached to his crate. Pete jumps onto the hood of the tailgater's vehicle and begins to dismantle it like a Twilight Zone creature after a jet engine.

Hungry for More? - an under-chassis assembly dumps dirt and rocks in front of your rear tires, so a steady cloud of particles is sprayed at the tailgater. Even better that weaving on a gravel road, this device will force-feed your dust to the uncouth culprit.

So...any customers? Or any freelancers with fresh ideas I can steal and market under my own brand?


  1. A wicked Jamie Bond, now are we? Who's been harrasing you onyour way for your diet fountian drink?

  2. I've often thought of marketing a bumper sticker that reads: I BRAKE FOR NO APPARENT REASON. I actually do this and it does keep people at a distance.

  3. How about a sign that says, "Youwannapieceofthis?" and a hose that attaches from my interior, and hooks onto the tailgating car, so all the dog hair in my car can be transferred to their interior?

  4. Hmm, I do like the rocks and dirt. Perhaps we could improve it by including an obnoxious odor, such as rotten eggs or skunk (or both together!). I also like Sioux's idea. I have lots of cat hair I can use.

  5. Linda,
    Worse. It was on the way HOME with my precious elixir, AKA the 44 oz. Diet Coke. If there had been an accident, D'Coki would have perished!

    That is entirely too logical. And a good plan, within reason.

    A colleague from the MO Division of Employment Security did that on I-55 South between St. Louis and Arnold. Of course, it was rush hour, and he was traveling at speeds above the limit. The patrolman who investigated the accident determined that it was his fault. I think the black eye he got from his tailgater's fist made a bigger impression.

    I will take your idea, and give it a new name. SUCK IT! That's the name. Not a personal attack from me to you.

    I will steal your idea as well. And re-name it. YOU STINK! Again. That's the name. Not an insult towards you. For all I know, you don't smell the least bit skunky or eggy.