I gained two pounds today.
I know you're all shocked. Shocked! That a regime of 44 oz. Diet Cokes and gas station chicken for an entire summer, coupled with sitting in a mostly cool basement, would not result in a stunning weight loss. Life just isn't fair sometimes, is it?
But before you jump to a too-personal conclusion, I must add that the excess poundage was not discovered when I stepped on the scale that resides next to the refrigerator. Seriously. Why would I step on a scale? I'm not one to go looking for trouble. It finds me easily enough on its own.
No, I found out that I gained two pounds when the heating and cooling man handed me a yellow bill. Not a yellow bill, like from a cute, downy, snow-white duck. That would be gruesome. I certainly would not allow such a man to service my air conditioner! Nor would I condone his actions! Ducks should not be separated from their quackers. Because then they don't need Chapstick, and even if they wanted some, they could not tell the merchant, "Put it on my bill." Unless, of course, the merchant had ripped off the duck's bill himself. But why would he do that, when he could make more money repairing heat pumps?
The yellow bill was a piece of paper showing that I owed $184 for freon. TWO POUNDS of freon. Because I haven't spent enough time sweating this summer without the use of my air conditioner due to power outages. Nope. Let the power flow, and let my AC unit run its fan for 24 hours nonstop pushing tepid air through the ductwork, requiring me to fire up the exhaust fan after outside temps dipped below inside temps, thus using up even more kilowatts to suck cooler humid air inside my abode while huffing the hot air up and out through the attic.
Is there any snow in the forecast?