Friday, August 17, 2012

I Knew This was Coming

Our household now has two boys in high school. Brothers in name only. Sworn enemies. Deliberate strangers. As luck would have it, they both ended up in the same lunch shift today when classes were juggled to even the numbers. You would think that I single-handedly engineered that act of torture. By the time The Pony and I got home, Genius had convened an inquisition, the most pertinent question pertaining to khaki cargo shorts and bright blue shirts.

Genius: Why did you dress him like me?

Val: I did not dress him like you. I laid out his clothes. You were still in bed. How was I supposed to know what you were going to wear?

Genius: Look at him. It's the same clothes.

The Pony: Genius, YOU dressed like me! I put them on first!

Val: We got to school first. Everybody saw him first. So I guess they think you copied him.

Genius: No.

Val: I guess it's kind of awkward, now that you're in the same lunch. And people see both of you together.

Genius: I KNOW! And he's wearing what I wore!

Val: We already established that he put on the clothes first. And anyway, your shirt is different. His is plain. And yous has Chem II in pink.

Genius: They look the same.

Val: It's not like you were anywhere near him. Like he was sitting on your lap. Like you had your hand up his back like some...some...ventriloquist's talking thing. What is that called? I'm drawing a blank here. A ventriloquist's doll?

The Pony: Actually, Mom, it's called a dummy.

Genius: Heh, heh! That's about right. A DUMMY!

Val: Okay, that's enough. Stop calling your brother a dummy.

Genius: But he IS!

The Pony: That really is what it's called, Mom. A dummy.

Val: Pony, you're not helping your case any.


  1. Dueling brothers. No matter what, you'll never win. Just ask me.

  2. I wouldn't have thought boys cared that much about clothes. I guess things have changed since I was in high school.

  3. Hmmm. Unbagging two brothers consigned to the same school. It's only for one probably very long year.

  4. My kids used to crab about having to wear Garanimals. Oh times have changed; now their jeans are sagging so low, fruit looms.

  5. Since The Pony was at school first, wouldn't HE be the ventriloguist and The Genius would be the dummy? Just wondering...

  6. Leenie,
    The only modicum of success that I ever experienced was when they were around 8 and 5. I sent them both to their rooms for fighting. They whispered about how mean I was, and drove remote control cars back and forth across the hall.

    One does. One doesn't. It's almost bloggable.

    I'll be fine as long as The Pony is not stuffed in a trash can or given a swirly in the toilet. Genius runs with a pack of macho jocks, and The Pony has band with them.

    We teachers abhor the saggers. Especially in the cafeteria, at the next table.

    Well, I edited that for length. The Pony had the same idea. However, I declared that it was really not feasible for Genius to sit on The Pony's lap, unless we were willing to fork over some big bucks for reconstructive knee surgery. Genius has always been in the 90th percentile of the growth charts, while The Pony trots along at the 50th. Plus there's that senior/freshman size gap.


  7. I was dumb struck with laughter. What was it Art Linkletter used to say? Kids say the darndest things. Art Linkletter, God, I am old!

  8. Kathy,
    I remember Art. He was in black and white, walking along in front of kids fidgeting on chairs. I'm sure I was a mere tot at the time. Learning to say the darnedest things.