Did you even notice how some people won't accept responsibility? I'm not trying to sound like Andy Rooney. He didn't copyright those words. A lot of people say, "Did you ever notice...?" Like Jerry Seinfeld, for instance. But I'm not trying to emulate either one. I don't have the eyebrows. Or the horse face, flared nostrils, and big teeth.
Some people would not accept responsibility if it came with a cash award and a gold-plated statue. Everything is always somebody else's fault. I call them the "If...then...I guess" people.
"Well, IF you think I hurt your arm when I twisted it behind your back and it popped and the x-rays showed a fracture so the doctor put you in a cast, THEN I GUESS I'm sorry."
Not that my arm is in a cast or anything. That's simply an example of the lengths people go to in avoiding responsibility. I might just as well have used the examples of missing bowling shirts turning up overnight on the back of the couch, or mysterious drippy stains on the carpet, or a missing twenty dollar bill that reappeared facing the other way, or a cracked glass in the curio cabinet, or sticky residue on the kitchen linoleum. All of which may or may not have occurred in my residence this summer.
Apparently, I've been Ambiening myself all over the place, wreaking havoc and not remembering it. Or staging crime scenes for the fun of accusing others so I can put on my judge, jury, and executioner hats. Who knew I was so fond of chapeaus? Maybe these were acts of Chester Drawers, the resident basement entity. Or some maximum security prisoners tunneled out of the local lock-up to prank a gal in Backroads, just to hear her whine.
I say that Responsibility should stop having so much class. Stop showing up on the doorstep with an engraved invitation and a dozen roses and a bottle of champagne with a real cork, asking for the pleasure of one's company.
Responsibility needs to start biting people on the butt. Preferably, after having his teeth sharpened into vampire fangs.