Today was my first day back at school.
My ample posterior sat through a whirlwind of meetings. Then it sat through some more. And in one of them, I almost won a prize. Never mind that I didn't know what the prize was. I wanted it. The same as everyone else in the room wanted it. You could slap a pair of googly eyes on a cow pie, and teachers would clamor to win it. Because it's FREE STUFF! We'll find a use for it later.
I would like to say that my MENSA-level IQ and savvy gaming strategy led to my near-victory. But the Truth in Blogging Law puts the kibosh on that. The contest that I exited with only three players left was a battle of wits called BEAR/MAN/GUN. Perhaps you've heard of it. Now don't go thinking you can buy this game at Target. No. There is no board. No game pieces. You play it with your noggin and your appendages. Kind of like George Costanza treating his body like an amusement park. But not quite.
Most people would liken this sport to ROCK/PAPER/SCISSORS. But that's not violent enough. We are teachers, doggone it. We are tougher than the tools of our trade. The basic premise is:
BEAR beats MAN
MAN beats GUN
GUN beats BEAR
Yeah. So at the end of the technology portion of our meeting, we took five minutes to battle each other to the death. Figuratively, of course. Again, I would like to say that my MENSA-level IQ and savvy gaming strategy led to my near-victory. But the truth is, I had never played this game, so my main method of participation was getting the proper display of appendages in my head, and whirling around to spring it on my unsuspecting opponent.
Hey, y'all. I went out in a blaze of gunslinging glory, beaten by a man.
Too bad, so sad. I almost had that prize in my hot little hand. I couldn't wait to tell Genius about it when I got home.
"Hey, I almost won a thing at school."
"Great. What was it?"
"I'm not really sure. My buddy told me it was like a baby laptop. I think it's called a notepad."
"Um. I think you mean a netbook."
"Yeah! That's it! I almost won a netbook!"
I wonder why he walked off shaking his head. It's not like I would have known how to use it. He could have been the proud owner of a free notepad. Notebook. Baby laptop. I mean netbook.