Breaker, Breaker, Some Why-in'

I haven't been descending the 13 rail-less basement steps to my lair since I returned from my Unfortunate HospitVALzation. At first it was due to lack of breath, while recovering from my pneumonia. Then it was because my knees don't like the return journey. Going down isn't too bad.

Anyhoo... Wednesday night, I wanted to watch a couple TV shows during the time Hick watches Dr. Pimple Popper. He was kind enough to volunteer to hike down those steps and sit in my warm vibrating OPC (Old People Chair). My shows started at 7:00. Imagine my surprise when I walked to the living room and saw Hick in his recliner.

"Hey! You said you'd go downstairs and watch."

"I know. I went down at 6:30, but the TV says NO SIGNAL. So I came back up. This one's working."

"Wait. What do you mean NO SIGNAL? The weather is fine."

"It's supposed to get bad later."

"It's fine now! Look outside. Just an occasional lightning flash."

"Well, the screen is black, and down in the corner it says NO SIGNAL."

"That's not from weather. WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT???"

"Nothing. I just turned it on. Then it said NO SIGNAL."

"Did you get a picture at all?"

"Yeah. When I turned it on. Some man was talking. Channel 29."

"We don't get Channel 29. We get 30 and 24. Nothing in between. Do you mean 129?"

"No. I'm pretty sure it was 29. Then it just went black. When I put it on 183 for my show."

"Did you give it time to come on?"

"Yeah. But it went black and said NO SIGNAL."

"How did you turn it on?"

"Just like up here. I hit the red button to turn on the TV, and then the other button here for the satellite."

"Wait. You need to hit BOTH red buttons! One is TV, one is satellite. You hit something else and got it in the wrong mode!"

"No I didn't. I hit the red buttons."

"That is NOT what you just said and showed me on this remote! I know what you've done. It will take another remote to fix it."

"I'll just sit up here and watch my show at 8:00."

"Nooo.... mine go until 10:00. I'll go down and see if I can fix it."

"You don't have to do that. Pony can fix it tomorrow when he comes out."

"That won't help you watch your show."

"No. Don't. You'll hurt your knees. That's why you didn't want to go down and watch."

"I can't stand knowing that you BROKE THE TV! You can't do ANYTHING by yourself!"

"It's fine. I don't have to watch."

"I'm going down there, as soon as a commercial comes on. I have to put it back on HDMI 1. That's what you've done. It's in the wrong mode. And it takes one of those other remotes."

"I'll go back and check."

"DON'T touch another remote! Then I won't be able to figure out what you've done."

"I'll just look at this remote again."

I heard Hick turn the TV on and off about five times. It made that little BING sound as it came on. But I never heard a show. He finally came back up.

"I can't get it to work. Just black screen and NO SIGNAL."

"I'm going down. DO NOT touch this remote here, unless it's to MUTE if I holler at you. You do know where the MUTE button is, don't you? Don't touch anything else!"

"I know how to mute, Val."

Anyhoo... I went down those steps. Slowly. Sat down in my OPC. Turned on both red buttons. Got a black screen with NO SIGNAL. Picked out the TV remote. Found the MODE button. Pushed it once. That brought up a column of settings. It was on the top one, marked TV. I pushed the down arrow to HDMI 1. VOILA! The screen came to life with picture and sound. I put it on Channel 183 for Dr. Pimple Popper. Hollered at Hick. And he came down to watch.

I hoisted my ample rumpus back up those 13 rail-less stairs. Might as well have gone down there myself to watch, since I had to go down and up the steps anyway!

Halfway up, I made sure to tell Hick: "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

 

I don't know why a man who worked on million-dollar machines and wired a factory from scratch can't turn on a TV without breaking it.