The Strange Case of the Boomer Coming After the MillPENNYal

I found him on a Wednesday and my heart stood still, my new pen-pen-pen, my new pen-pen! Uh huh. Only a single penny this week. But that's better than zero pennies! Because my pennyscape has been bleak of late, I must say, I was quite excited to make this discovery, waiting two customers deep, over by the chicken counter.

Okay. My heart didn't really stand still. It thump-thumped with excitement. I was like an older, smarter, fatter, less-male, non-arm-waving Horshack. With more fear. Fear that somebody else might snatch that coin before I was waited on. Only one dude ahead of me. A Millennial Dude, wearing jeans, no socks, and thongs on his feet!

That's right! These young whippersnappers can't fool ME! Those shoes are called THONGS, by cracky! NOT flip-flops! Why use two words when one will suffice? Call your g-string by its proper name, and leave us Boomers with our thongs! Don't even make a pretense of that early-oughts lingo of SLIDES, worn with socks! No. Those shoes are THONGS! Not even proper thongs, either. They're weirdo thongs, without the torture device that belongs between your big toe and the little piggy who stayed home.

And here was this Millennial Dude, thankfully oblivious to Old Abe under his navy blue improper thong. That Millennial Dude would have made a terrible princess, probably unable to feel a pea through a single silk sheet. But that's good! Because it meant my penny wasn't getting snatched up by him.

I can't even complain about this 2016 Abe being face-down.

The HORROR of laying there, helpless, unable to move, while watching a dude's bare foot in a generic navy blue thong descend over your face would be equivalent to the HORROR of Genevieve Bujold's character being a surgery patient in Robin Cook's COMA, after a dose of succinylcholine, watching that breathing mask descending over her mouth and nose. Have I mentioned that I hate feet?

Once Millennial Dude finished paying for his purchases with his plastic money, I got my picture and my penny. I refrained from taking a picture of Millennial Dude's thong suffocating my rightful penny. I respected his privacy. Who wants a picture of their bare foot on the innernets wearing a generic navy blue thong?

Sometimes, becoming a Future Pennyillionaire is really hard work.
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2019 Running Total
Penny   # 10.
Dime   still at 1.
Nickel  still at 2
Quarter  still at 1

2018 TOTALS
Penny  131
Dime  17
Nickel  6
Quarter  1

2017 TOTALS (Started in March, 2017)
Penny  78
Dime   6
Nickel  0
Quarter  0
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