La Croix Makes Genius' Mood Seem Un-American

See what I did there? Probably not. Remember that commercial jingle for La Choy Chinese food? This one? Well...an incident during CasinoPalooza 3 made me think of it. Not because we ate Chinese food, or talked about La Choy. But because Genius had a meltdown. And I wanted to sing it in a jingle.

We were joking around in A-Cad, on the way to a distant casino. Something about Genius's bar, or if he drank diet soda while he was on the keto diet. Don't really remember how it came up, but Friend volunteered that Genius would most likely drink a La Croix. I'd never heard of La Coix, which is apparently a brand of sparkling water. That apparently has very little flavor. Friend was not so keen on this product. In an effort to explain what it was to me, Friend and The Pony started swapping comments that they'd read online.

Poor Pony was relegated to the third seat of A-Cad, a position which he and Friend alternated at each stop, because Genius wasn't giving up his seat behind Hick. Anyhoo... The Pony had me almost in tears laughing, when he read one such comment:

La Croix is like: "Previous tenant squeezed a lemon."

"I feel like La Croix is what juice would taste like to a ghost."

"La Croix tastes like the only soft drink they'd allow in a dystopian future where no one is allowed to have emotions."

"Every La Croix flavor tastes like it was created by someone who didn’t want to admit he’d never tasted fruit so had a friend quickly describe it to him."

"La Croix tastes like if you were drinking carbonated water and someone screamed out loud the name of a specific fruit in the other room."

"Fruit nightmares suspended in Alka Seltzer."

"La Croix tastes like someone ate a fruit salad and then burped into your water bottle."

"La Croix is like drinking Sprite with a condom."

"Transported in a truck, near bananas."

"Like a strawberry, but with a low battery."

"Grapefruit souls."

"La Croix tastes like the inventors smelled lime food coloring, and infused water with their thoughts."

"La Croix tastes how a scratch-and-sniff sticker smells the 19th time you scratch it."

"La Croix is French for 'the flavor is in the mail.'"

They went on, one after the other. I was having a great time, because I like to laugh, and these comments tickled my funny bone. Hick drove on, not even cracking a smile, because we all know that his funny bone is not even a vestigial organ, but entirely missing. Genius used to have a well-developed funny bone, but it has apparently atrophied since he became a working man.

He shut down the fun when he declared: "Enough already! Will you STOP with the La Croix comments? It's getting old."

"I was just having a good time. I think they're funny."

"Yeah. Making fun of what I like."

"I wasn't even thinking about you! I don't care if you like it. The descriptions are funny! It's not all about YOU, you know!"

Genius has a lot of Hick in him. I don't see how it was hurting him for three of us to be laughing about a sparkling water. It's not like we were saying, "Genius is so dumb that he likes La Croix." Man! Take a chill pill.

I would not mind at all if they were making fun of Diet Coke.