Thursday, April 21, 2016

Jeepers, Peepers! You're a Bunch of BLEEPERS!

The post office is running a new scam. Uh huh. Those dead-mouse sniffers are up to no good! And I'm not just talking about their rate cut on a first class stamp that took effect April 10th!

Speaking of that first price drop in postage stamps in 97 years...Genius has mailed me two letters since he went off to college three years ago. I KNOW! I'm so very lucky! He bought himself a typewriter, wanting to take a walk on the retro side, and has typed me two letters. However...he went to the post office on lunch from his current job at an engineering firm in the city. He intended to simply pay postage to mail my letter, because he had left his stamps at home. He doesn't need many stamps, being an online bill-payer in the manner of today's techie young whippersnappers, and buys his stamps online too. BUT the post office window was closed, and all he could do was buy stamps out of a machine, which only sold BOOKS of stamps, pissing him off giving him displeasure, because as he said, "I'll NEVER use that many stamps!" So much for my hopes of more loving letters from the sweaty fingertips of my first-born son.

Anyhoo...Genius paid 49 cents apiece for those Forever Stamps. And now they're only worth 47 cents apiece! So much for using U.S. Postal Stamps as an investment.

No, it's not the rate drop that's the new scam. It's identity peeking. That's right. I said it. The USPS, at least in Backroads, appears to have a problem with peepers. Here are two envelopes I received the same day:


Of course I had to cut off the name and address part. What good is an anonymous blog if you go flashing your tracking bits all over the innernets?

The one on the left was for Genius. It was a credit card application. All he had to do was call and activate it. I'm hoping the seal just had faulty glue (and somewhere a licker has expired and released her impending groom from impending doom), and popped open when being wrestled into the not-gaping-enough round green maw of EmBee.

The second one was for Val herself, a statement from the MOSERS folks about her benefits from the five years she worked for the unemployment office. Funny how the end was ripped enough to slip those folded papers out for a peek, then slip them back.

You know how Val wants to believe the best of everybody. How she shies away from conspiracy theories. NOT ANY MORE, BABY! Something is up.

And that had better not be the balance on credit cards using my family's vital statistics!

10 comments:

  1. Maybe it's the work of a disgruntled guest from the Val-Tour. They were unhappy because they were hoping to see where Val works her magic--in the Writer's She Shed... but alas, there is no such thing.

    You'd better get an outbuilding that's all your own, and soon. Or there will be more havoc wreaked.

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    1. I think this might be the handiwork of those weirdos down by the mailbox. NAH! It's the dead-mouse sniffers.

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  2. If they are spying, they are very sloppy about it.

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    1. They must have been non-valedictorians at Hick's spy alma mater.

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  3. I agree with Joe - they aren't very good spies - unless it's a double bluff ... do it really badly, make you believe that it could just be accidental ...

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    1. So...maybe they were SUPER valedictorians at Hick's spy alma mater.

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  4. Biggest conspiracy since Elvis faked his death in Area 51! Okay, maybe not bigger than the Landing on the Moon hoax.

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    1. What, you weren't invited to Hitler's 127th birthday party yesterday in Argentina, either?

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  5. Yep; not very smart of whoever is looking into your mail.

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    1. Oh, they might THINK they're smart because they didn't get caught. YET! They do not understand, as you do, that Val will leave no dead mouse unturned in tracking down the postal priers.

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