Reports of Val's Arrest Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Val had the police hot on her trail again yesterday!

The Pony and I stopped by our credit union after school so I could deposit money in his account for college. No, it wasn't just a cruel trick I played on him for April Fool's Day. I put money in his account the last Friday of every month, and it just so happened that this Friday fell on the first day of the next month. Yeah. He didn't get it, either, but he was not complaining. Though he DID dare to look at the receipt.

I made a right out of the parking lot, and waited at the five-way stop. Yeah. We do things a little differently here in Greater Backroads Area. That five-way stop is a pain in Val's patooty. There was no vehicle in the road to the right, where I was going. The oncoming car took a turn coming at me. Then the car on the left, coming from the post office, crossed in front of me. So I figured it was my turn. I made my right.

BUT A BLACK SUV WITH WHITE WRITING HAD COME FROM THE OTHER LEFT ROAD, IN FRONT OF THE POLICE STATION AND ATV SHOP! And it was signaling to turn where I was going! I had T-Hoe already with two wheels on that street. So I gassed him a little and continued.

"Great, Pony. I pulled out in front of the police! It was my turn, really. He had to get out on the main road, then make a quick turn left. So I really had the right-of-way."

I got down to the stop sign in front of my mom and my sister-the-ex-mayor's-wife's church. I waited. Made my left to head to Backroads proper, two towns over, to the gas station chicken store to pick up two corn dogs that The Pony asked me to call in to make sure they had them. I kept T-Hoe at 30 mph, the posted speed limit, as I went by the low-income housing development that some folks in the newspaper comments call the Heroin Hotel. Past the funeral home that used to be a mineral museum. Past the glass factory. Past the turn-off that takes me to work. Past the bell/book/candle shop that's really a tattoo parlor.

All the while, that police SUV stayed behind me.

"Great. He's not turning off. He might be the police from THIS town, where your Uncle Ex-mayor used to may. They have the black SUVs. What about Backroads? Do THEY have the black SUVs?"

"I think so. I think I've seen a couple."

"Great. He's probably running my license. Checking to see how many speeding tickets I have. I am not going a mile over 30. Why doesn't he pull off and get a donut or something? This has been two miles already! Watch him turn and follow us on the lake road. So much for getting to your corn dogs in time. Now I have to go the speed limit!

The Pony looked around. "He's still there."

"I don't want to stare at him in the rearview. He can see me in my giant side mirrors. I don't want to act suspicious. I hope I have the up-to-date insurance card in here."

On we went, with my hands at 10 and 2. I nonchalantly rested my elbow on T-Hoe's window sill. Just a mom and her legally-adult son sitting behind her, out for a drive, after putting money in his college account.

"Great! STILL back there. Guess he's not the police in THIS town. He just passed their station."

I signaled by the Casey's where I get gas, by my mom's old bank, the one that shorted her $10 that one time at the drive-thru. I pulled into the center turn lane.

AND THAT BLACK POLICE SUV WENT PAST ME!

It was then that we both saw the writing on on the side.

AGGRAVATION ELECTRIC: "If We Mess Up, You'll Be Shocked"

Yeah. It was not even a police SUV, but a company car for a local electrician, who happens to be related to one of our faculty.

I guess he thinks he's smart, impersonating a police officer.