Potato Salad Genius

A couple Fridays ago, Genius sent me a text. It was at 7:14 a.m. Good thing I hadn't gone to bed yet. 

"I know you've sent it to me before, but I can't seem to find it. Can you send me your potato salad recipe?"

"How soon do you need it, and do you need exact amounts?"

"Have a cookout tonight, so ideally within the next couple hours so I have time to go to the store and make it. If it's too much trouble, don't worry about it, I can find one online!"

Well! No way was any child of MINE going to make potato salad off the innernets!

"Not exact amounts, but hopefully ballpark."

"Potatoes, dill pickles (I use baby dills because there's less mushiness and juice), onions, yellow mustard, Kraft mayo, ground black pepper. Depends if you want it smooth (baking potatoes) or with chunks of potato (Yukon Gold or other waxy variety). 

Boil potatoes until fork pokes through. Drain and let them steam off their moisture for a few minutes. Then refrigerate so you will be working with cold potatoes. I've made them with microwaved potatoes. It comes out like a paste, rather than having chunks of potato.

Cut potatoes into 1-inch cubes. Squirt in mustard and a couple tablespoons of mayo. Grind some black pepper. Add diced pickles and diced onions."

"Heh this is why I needed estimated amounts. I would've guessed half a cup of mayo."

"Stir and taste. I usually have to keep adding pepper. My worst problem is TOO MUCH MAYO! It always needs more mustard than mayo. I never measure. Just start with mustard, and add mayo sparingly. Sometimes I add more mustard if it isn't tangy enough. Too much mayo makes it too wet without enough tang. Sometimes I have to keep adding pickles for the crunch."

"Thanks for taking the time to type all this out."

"OH! I forgot! A couple or 4 diced boiled eggs!"

"Just the yolks or the whole egg?"

"Whole eggs. Small dice. Just from memory. Hope it works out. You know I use my big brown bowl full. 4 to 6 eggs. You might only need a couple."

"How much potato do you usually do?"

"In my big bowl, I have about 6 or 7 medium potatoes. I usually don't add salt, because the mustard and pickles have enough. Potatoes I peel with the back of a knife, by scraping when they're cold. I boil with the skin on. Don't want them waterlogged. You can add more mayo a little at a time if the mustard seems too overwhelming. Let me know how they turn out."

"Will do."

All that took me a half hour. I'm not a fast texter. I heard back from Genius at 11:17.

"I also like it mustard-y, but will adjust them to taste! Thanks again. Boiling my potatoes now."

Darn that Genius! He didn't take a picture! I didn't even know how it went until a couple days ago.

"Just saw these messages, forgot to follow up. The potato salad turned out great and was a big hit. Anyway, RIP Gordon Lightfoot."

"I saw that last night. No more Carefree Highway for him!"

"The big carefree highway in the sky."

"At least he's not in Davy Jones's Locker with The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald!"

Not that Genius is a big fan of Gordon Lightfoot, but it's music I used to play on our way to school, before Genius was old enough to escape T-Hoe and drive himself. While not happy that ol' Gordon kicked the bucket, I guess without his recent demise, I might never have learned about the potato salad. 

You know the old adage: "Give a man potato salad and he eats for a day. Teach a man to make potato salad, and he gets invited to BBQs for life."