Hick has a knack. A knack for getting himself into the doghouse. Not a knack that somebody would wish to have. It just comes naturally to him.
At Easter dinner, Hick went first with his plate. That's not a problem. The Pony and I deferred to him. It was a bit of a problem that Hick sat down and immediately started eating. Feeding like a ravenous beast while The Pony and I were still filling our plates. He was almost done with his salad by the time I got to the table. Annoying, but not doghouse worthy. No, the canine-coop exile was BECAUSE of the salad.
I had set the beautiful 7 layer salad on the counter, with two spoons beside it. Let me tell you, that salad was a work of art! I didn't get a picture this time, put imagine a bigger version of The Pony's salad in a square see-through bowl.
I shredded a block of extra sharp cheddar this time, rather than taking the shortcut of using already-shredded cheese. Here's a picture of a previous 7 layer salad, taken the evening before Thanksgiving back in 2017, just to show you the construction.
I set out the two serving spoons to act as salad tongs. I turned and saw Hick digging in with only one spoon.
"I put out two spoons for that."
"I cain't use two spoons."
Huh. As IF he was expected to use them like chopsticks or something. Who can't use two spoons? Hick, that's who. The man who will pick up a slab of ham from the container on the cutting block to make a sandwich, then carry that slab of ham over to the paper plate stack, and struggle to separate a plate with one hand. Or holds his bowl at the stove, using his belly to keep a pan on the burner, while digging out potatoes and carrots. Rather than setting down the bowl, to hold the pan with his other hand.
Anyhoo... when I got to the 7 layer salad, a section of the bacon, cheese, mayo, peas, and eggs was missing. But the romaine hearts and diced green onion remained at the bottom. I suppose, like how Hick prefers his vegetable beef soup without liquid, he prefers his salad without lettuce!
Oh, Hick got a little lettuce. You can see it left in his bowl he was picking at as I sat down.
But my own bowl of 7 layer salad was not nearly as flush with cheese and bacon as in years past, when Hick at least attempted to appear civilized in front of Genius and Friend.
A travesty of salad-serving. Doghouse worthy. That's Val's lot in life, following around after Hick, eating the lettuce he shuns when dipping his salad.
Dare I say it? Maybe...ummm.....make two seven layer salads? One for you and The Pony and a smaller one which you give to Hick right away so he doesn't nick all the cheese and bacon off the bigger one. Probably not a great idea though, he might get offended that you don't want him digging into the communal bowl.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! Like a smash cake for a little kid's birthday party! I won't be making two salads. They take a long time chopping and grating, making the bacon and boiling the eggs. Besides, The Pony doesn't want peas in his. So he has a 6 layer salad.
DeleteIn the past, Hick has not scooped off all the bacon and cheese, but used two spoons like a normal person to dip out all 7 layers equally.
You're right about him being offended. Because I told him to dip down for all layers, he refused to eat any more of that salad. Oh, well, more for ME! Such a terrible punishment. His bitten-off nose is speaking harshly to his face right now.
I went to a dinner where a woman dipped all the streusel topping off a sweet potato casserole meant for a group. Then, she used her bare hands to reach to the bottom of a KFC bucket of chicken, fingers each piece of chicken. I understand.
ReplyDeleteYes, you have good reason to be upset with him! It is a wonder he did not drop the ham on the floor.
Did his mother not teach him, or does he just do this as he pleases?
People are animals! I don't know why Hick had to carry his ham. He could easily have left it in the container until he brought his plate to the cutting block.
DeleteHick's mother was in a mental hospital, his father was blind, and Hick was the middle of three brothers. Not much manner-teaching going on in that house. You'd think he might have picked up a few clues by now, having been out in the world this long. And with me "helping" him, heh, heh!