Betrayed By the Handicapped: Rumpusholes Come in a Variety of Abledness

While I was over in Sis-Town on Tuesday to get Hick's flip house cash out of the bank, I stopped in Country Mart for scratchers and sale soda.

One of the lottery machines was broken. So I had to wait on a lady to finish at the good one. Not a big deal. I stayed a respectable distance away, and organized the winners I was going to scan to pay for my new tickets. When she was done, I moved into place. A woman came by carrying a case of bottled water. She set it down, and just stood there. I assumed she was waiting to buy scratchers. Oh, well. I was there before her. I guess she had no patience, or didn't want scratchers all that badly. She left in a huff while I was still selecting my tickets. Maybe I even saved her money. I only won $13 on those tickets.

I then pushed my cart/walker into the store proper. Only one checker was open. There was a line of about 6 people. I passed through them to get Hick's Diet Mountain Dew, which was 3-for-$11 in the six-packs of 20 oz bottles. Of course there was no Diet Mountain Dew. Only regular, and other Pepsi products. This happens every time I try to buy it there. At least I was across the aisle from the alcohol, and picked up a bottle of the spiced rum that The Pony likes. It's hard to find. Not that it's special. It's a bargain brand, but he likes it better than Captain Morgan. Or the almost-as-cheap Sailor Jerry knockoff. 

I picked up a pack of pizza stick thingies from the hot food bar near the registers. Then I got in line. A man and woman were paying and putting stuff in their cart. He was holding a bag of ice across his belly. Not sure why he didn't just put it in the cart. The checker saw that he had it.

Behind them was a woman already putting her items on the conveyor. Then a gal in front of me, holding in each hand a bottle of BBQ sauce by the neck. No cart. As I waited, I saw a beeper cart coming down the side aisle from the pharmacy counter. I wondered if maybe the guy had gone there to pay, since there's an exit door at that end. But he kept coming at our line, perpendicularly. He was 50-something, wearing jeans shorts, a camouflage t-shirt, and camo cap. A regular good ol' boy, kinda chubby. 

I backed my cart/walker up, to give him room to pass through our line. I figured he'd circle around and get behind me. But no. He looked at me as I gave him room, and said,

"I was here first."

I chuckled, thinking he was kidding. Then Camo nosed his cart into the line, with his back to me, rather than passing through, and started talking to the BBQ Gal. Completely ignoring me. Asking her something about her mom.

What in the NOT-HEAVEN? If Camo had been in line, it was not when I got in it. He was 30 feet away, in the pharmacy area. So how could he have been there first? No savesies once you leave the line! He had a basket full of food, like a four-pack of steaks, and bag of potatoes, and bread, and other stuff underneath. More items than my two. AND he was sitting, while I was standing, leaning on my cart/walker, which is just a regular cart that I lean on like a walker. I was not having it. 

"Whatever..." I turned to go down to Lane 6, where another worker had opened up a register.

Camo then deigned to turn, and say, "Ma'am. I was just joking."

Yeah, right. That's why he put his beeper cart in line ahead of me, and ignored me to talk to BBQ Gal. Last time I checked, a joke is supposed to actually be funny. I was not amused. I was not about to stand there so he could pretend he was NOT the rumpushole.

I checked out, and was back in T-Hoe for five or more minutes, writing my purchase in my checkbook register, when Camo drove his beeper cart behind me to his car. 

I resisted the urge to give Camo a one-finger salute as I drove past him loading his trunk.