Monday, February 22, 2021

Hick, Investigative Hurligist

Friday night, we had Hick pick up Chinese food for supper. He eats his Hunan Chicken dinner all in one meal. The Pony gets two days out of his Sweet & Sour Chicken with fried rice. I get three days from my Hunan Pork dinner, because Hick leaves me the fried rice he has left.

That Hick. He's so thoughtful. He usually texts me while he's waiting for our food to be prepared. Friday he included some additional information.

"I'm getting food now. I just watched him drop green onions on the floor and pick them up and continued cutting them up for food."

"Oh, well. They get cooked." I said smugly, knowing green onions didn't come in my dinner.


My dinner was especially delicious this time. I was happily chowing down in my subterranean lair when I noticed a distinct flavor in one bite. A text upstairs to Hick was necessary.

"I just ate a green onion! Probably a floor onion."

"Maybe. I didn't have any."

Of course Hick didn't. Nor did he say anything about what he witnessed. Except to ME, of course. I had to interrogate him on Sunday, before I prepared my last Chinese supper.

"You saw the guy drop green onions on the floor, and you didn't say anything? You just watched?"

"He was chopping green onions. He knocked a bundle on the floor. They had rubber bands around them. He picked it up and put it back on the counter. Then he chopped it up. I guess I COULD have said something, but I didn't want to start anything."

"Yeah. Because he'd remember you, and who knows what he might do to our food next time. Anyway, I wasn't expecting to get a green onion in my food. I only get them in my Hot & Sour Soup. Not in my Hunan. Maybe it was a warning, to keep quiet about it!"

Here is my AMPLE second-leftover dinner. I was out of pork, so I cut up a Country Mart deli chicken strip to add to it. 

That's a Ponytail Guy FREE eggroll that I warmed in the oven. A couple of leftover crab rangoon. And some of The Pony's leftover sauce, although it didn't suit my palate, and I only tried a bite. Let's take a closer look:

That's Hick's fried rice, mixed with my white rice and the Hunan sauce I had left in the bottom of the container. I have those black pepper bean thingies, and some celery or the Chinese equivalent, broccoli, snow peas, carrots, water chestnuts, maybe a bamboo shoot, and white onions. I NEVER have green onions as part of my Hunan Pork. 
I really wonder how that piece of green onion got in there and subsequently in my mouth and down my throat. I hope it wasn't stuck to something else that fell on the floor!


  1. That looks delicious. That ponytail guy make deliveries?

    1. The Ponytail Guy delivers to the storage units where Hick has his store. I think he brings stuff to 7 or 8 people every week. Anybody who requests a box can have it. He brings it from half-way to the city.

      Hick is on double-not-secret probation! I've banned him from bringing home anything besides the tasty frozen crispy chicken patties, because we have too much FREE meat right now to use first. He's already broken his double-not-secret probation. Twice.

  2. Mmmm...spare ribs, one egg roll, chicken low mein, and chicken w/snow peas for me. It will last 2 days. I never want to know what all the ingredients are used. I hear they only use the best floor stuff as a spice.

    Needs 2 packets of Duck Sauce, or is it Duc's sauce invented by a guy named Duc...I ask but never find out.

    The food is so good I forgive China for the Covid.

    1. Hick needs to ask for Duck Sauce! They put plenty of fortune cookies in the bag. They must think he's feeding an auction house full of people. So I bet he could get us more than 2 packets each if he asked.

      Hick said he prefers the Ponytail Guy's egg rolls to the Chinese place. I gotta say, I think he's right. The ones that came with the dinner were not crispy. I think they stayed in the oil too long. ASSuming they weren't dropped into something else...

  3. I hope that floor had been recently washed at least. This sort of thing is one reason why I don't like to eat takeaway food very often. I'd rather cook at home and know that my food is clean.

    1. Not me! I have no problem rooting around like a pig after a truffle! Of course I'd prefer my food to be clean, but it is what it is. You can go to a fancy-schmancy gourmet restaurant (as opposed to a squalid, cut-rate gourmet restaurant, heh, heh) and still not be sure if the chef sneezed in your food.

      It's not like I was eating steak tartare off the floor of a slaughterhouse! At least my filth was cooked in a hot wok.

  4. Two second rule .... Maybe he washed the onions before he chopped and Hick was not paying attention? HeWho has selective attention, just like his hearing.

    1. This scandal is something that held Hick's attention!