Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Grouching Tiger, Bitter Naggin'

I am trapped! Trapped in the house with an impounded animal! Hick can't go roaming around the countryside due to the snowstorm! He COULD. And he WOULD. But nothing is open for him. Just Casey's and the grocery store and businesses he does not patronize. He made a quick sortie to a small auction on Sunday afternoon, but was only gone about 90 minutes.
Hick won't be taking a dip in Poolio. We have about 7 inches of snow on the ground. 
We're getting some drifts of snow on the back deck out the kitchen door. Hick is not getting MY drift.
Hick has been pacing like a caged tiger. Pacing, from a seated position in his recliner in the living room. But you can tell that mentally, he's pacing. GROUCHING, too! The attitude emanates from him like Pepe Le Pew's stink fumes. Not even Gunsmoke reruns could keep him entertained.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. I could go over to the BARn, and turn up the heat, and work on my fishing lures."

"No. It's 3 degrees! The electric bill will be high enough without you RAISING the temperature of the BARn."

"I might get on the Gator and go down to the cabin and light a fire in the stove."

"That's not a good idea. What if you get stuck down there? Your phone won't work, and I can't come rescue you."
"I think I'll go down and clean stuff out from under the pool table. I heard you sigh! I should have known better! You always get like this! What's wrong with cleaning? Huh? What's wrong with cleaning. I want to play pool!"
"Nothing, if you didn't have this attitude. It's like your SUNDAY CLEANING ATTITUDE. You're grouchy and want to boss people around. Little HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) and Little Veteran (Hick's second oldest son) were scared to death of you on Sundays."
"Fine. Never mind. I won't clean anything."
"That stuff has been under the pool table for 15 years. Why does it have to be cleaned up now? It's the boys' old toys. You can't take it up to your Storage Unit Store. You can't take it over to the Freight Container Garage. You can't put it in the trash because it looks like we're going ANOTHER week without trash pickup. So I don't know where you're going to clean it to. Besides, we've played pool on it all along. It's your stuff ON TOP of the pool table that keeps you from playing. All those old albums that your got at your buddy's estate sale. And the paper you used when you wrapped Christmas gifts, and the paper I used that you had The Pony carry down to put there, instead of in the storage tub. So I don't know what the sudden hurry is to do it today."
"Don't worry! I'm not going to clean anything!'
Sheesh! Hick went down to the basement, making sure to leave the TV volume as loud as his deaf ears need it, and without giving me the remote to change channels (which I always give him when I relinquish control of my daily hour of TV in the living room) or turn it down. 

I don't know what he was doing down there, but he was back upstairs when I got out of the shower. Thank goodness I'd put the TV on the end of Mr. Mom, with Problem Child, and then Problem Child 2, to follow.

I made my escape to my lair around 3:30, after watching a bit of Problem Child with Hick the Grouch. His mood improved almost as much as when he used to rent the Ernest movies.


  1. Did you ever think of having him get down on his knees and dust baseboards, or cleaning out kitchen cabinets? Maybe he would be more content to sit.

    1. Heh, heh! Hick only wants to clean what HE wants to clean. Though he DID do the the floor under the kitchen cabinets two years ago for Christmas, when I asked.

  2. Oooh. I hope that the two of you were flipping around in the air, like they did in the "orginal" movie.

    If you two were doing that, I'd watch it--uncomplaining--even if it had subtitles.

    1. I am sure Hick would love to flip me around in the air, but it has nothing to do with special effects, and all to do with probably trying to kill me. I do no air-flipping combat, since my ample rumpus acts as an anchor in cahoots with gravity.

      Hick is the one who needs the subtitles, but in a hieroglyphic kind of way. Today he didn't understand what The Pony meant by "tortilla." He kept saying "shells," and finally caught on when one was paraded under his nose. To be fair (which I detest), Hick had been caught snoozing in the recliner when the question was asked.

  3. Do you have Hick watching Problem Child in the hope that he will realise he is one and somehow change and be a Model Child? I can tell you right now that won't work.

    1. My only intent was to keep him entertained so he wasn't rummaging through the house rearranging piles of "collected" stuff. He DID show an interest when I mentioned the next day that I saw "Problem Child 3" was going to be on.

      We couldn't find it on the DISH guide that day, though. So he watched "Keeping Up With the Joneses," starring Jon Hamm and Zach Galifianakis. So maybe now he wants to be a spy.

  4. He made three attempts to get out of your hair and you shot down everyone! It might have been worth the electric expense, pretty sure he could survive at the cabin without a cell phone and cleaning when bored is not such a bad idea.

    You caused your own entrapment!

    Excellent title though...again.

    1. Despite you playing the GUY CARD to stick up for Hick, I'm pretty sure you might be trying to kill him!

      Hick could FREEZE TO DEATH at the cabin! The temp was 3 degrees, with 15 mph winds. If the Gator got stuck, he'd have a heart attack walking back up the quarter-mile hill from the creek in six inches of snow.

      Cleaning of the under-pool-table would just be a distribution of old toys, probably to places where they'd be in MY way. Which could make me want to kill him.

      Our electric bill will be high enough after this frigid snap, so no, I don't want the BARn to be heated to Hick's comfort so he can fiddle with fishing equipment that he can't sell for another few months. Without a chance to win $8,600 at the casino, and no FREE Ponytail Guy food this week due to the weather affecting his distribution... we could go broke, and Hick would starve to death. Once the 96 egg rolls are gone, of course.

      I might be trapped like a rat in a cage of my own making... but at least I can still craft a catchy title!

  5. There's a show on where these people bid on storage units. Bet he'd like that show.

    1. Heh, heh! I think he's seen them all. TWICE! Right now he likes the gator hunters, but they're not on during the day.