The Flaunting of Hick House

I'm sure you realize how upset I am that Hick bought a $5000 house. After all, for 30 years, I wore the crown of of Cheap House BargainMaster. Now, Hick has usurped my throne! I seem extravagant for buying a $17,000 house. To poke me with a pointed stick, rub salt in my wounds, and kick me when I'm down... Hick House has three bedrooms, living room, kitchen, bathroom, a bonus room, and a partial basement. He says it's 2400 square feet, with another 400 square feet of basement.

Whereas my $17,000 home, when I bought it, was basically a 3-room house consisting of kitchen, bedroom, living room. Of course there was a bathroom! And a partial basement, which we converted to a living room, bedroom, and laundry room, for when Little Veteran and Little HOS came for visits. Oh, and we added a master bedroom on the back.

King Hick BargainMaster picked up the report from the city that demands fixing. He was shocked that so little is required. Here's the picture of the $5000 house again. That's HOS perched on the porch, trying to raise the roof.

According to This Guy, the roof was replaced, and is only a few years old. No problems there. Hick says the little sag above HOS's head does not move, and shows no leaks, so it's good enough for now. The city decrees that the front corner with missing siding needs replacing. Hick has some tin siding left over from his Freight Container garage that he's going to put in the whole triangle where the front windows are.

The city report pictured several broken windows that need repair. Hick and HOS have already covered three of them, with plans to put in new windows once Hick finds the right sizes. The fourth one is that upstairs window. Hick is waiting for HOS to climb the ladder for that one.

Also on the city no-no's was the back porch, which you can't see. Hick is going to tear it off, and they're going to build another one. HOS has a bunch of salvaged lumber.

The only other thing on the city to-do list is to repair the siding on the back of the house. It's that tarpaper brick print that you see here upstairs over the porch. The back side of the house has a tear in it. Hick is going to rip it off, and paint the shiplap boards underneath.

Hick knows his electric, and HOS used to work as a plumber's helper, so they've got those two utilities covered. HOS says that the industrial look is in right now, and he doesn't mind conduit running across the ceiling for the wiring. Hick says that for better sale-ability, the wiring needs to be done the traditional way. HOS is pretty much counting on taking over this property, per Hick's offer, so we'll see who wins that wiring decision. I imagine they'll disagree over everything but the kitchen sink. Wait! I take that back. They've already disagreed over the placement of the kitchen sink, and Hick deferred to HOS. It's shocking how well they're getting along.

Both of them seem excited about this project, and rarin' to go every morning. Even yesterday, when we had a coating of ice, and continuing freezing rain. Hick made salami sandwiches to pack for their lunch, so they didn't have to waste any time away from the site.

Of course the inside is a mess. HOS has been returning in the evening, with a light he hooks up to a car battery, and sweeping up junk and bringing it home to burn.

I'll leave you with an interior picture to whet your appetite. Upon entering the front door, you turn right, and go up two steps. Then turn left, up three more steps. Then left again, up 4-6 steps, and you are at the front of the house, in what Hick calls the Landing Room. HOS wants to tear out the closet in the corner, and put a chair there, to look out the window. The room could be a sitting room, a playroom, whatever. As you can see, it has nice morning light.

Two bedrooms open off the back wall of this room. Behind where Hick stood to take the picture. They plan to tear off the wallpaper, and sand and paint the boards. Also, to rip up the carpet and use the wood floor. Like I said, nothing extravagant.

I haven't been inside, since the day I went by, NO ONE was there! Hick said he was at Lowe's, and HOS wasn't there yet because he was keeping his baby while his wife was at work. Hick has already gone through a bunch of the house contents. He didn't mention this painting.

I'm sure there will be more stories forthcoming. It is SO like Hick to preempt the BirthdayPalooza report...