Like a Copperhead Tale

Val is pretty much unrattleable. She has nerves of steel, honed by years of being in charge of over 100 flighty, volatile adolescents each day. Trained to take the helm in emergencies, and project a calm facade while maintaining the safety of her students, even at the detriment of her own well-being. She may not be able to catch a bullet in her teeth, or drive on the interstate, but aside from those two weaknesses, Val is pretty much unrattleable.

Wednesday night, Val shook like an agitated pit-viper's tail. The unrattleable Val had nerves that could have warned off a predator miles away, had she only been born with interlocking hollow segments in her ample rumpus.

The tale begins with a faux pas by New Delly. A few minutes after midnight, I noticed that my internet had stopped working. Huh. That's a curious development. It had been working so well, after Hick crawled under the desk and installed a new hub. The weather has been worse, with no internet disruption. I'm not ever sure if there was rain that night. Surely there was just a glitch. Maybe I needed to open a new browser. Maybe I needed to do a restart. Maybe I needed a SYSTEM RESTORE!

No, the first two didn't work. I refrained from the System Restore, remembering Genius chastising me for it before. I somehow found the trouble-shooting feature. Huh. That was a curious revelation. Seems I had internet from my DISH satellite, but my modem had an issue. Well. I know what a modem is! It's one of those two box thingies in the cabinet under Genius's old desk at the bottom of the basement stairs. Probably the one in the front, that I always unplug and re-plug when I don't have internet.

I grabbed my blue metallic mini flashlight, and headed out of my lair. Oh, I still had power. But the light directly over the desk area where I was headed had burned out that day. Besides, I always need the flashlight to see into the cabinet area. I opened up the cabinet door and was just clicking on my flashlight when I heard it!

aahhh

What in the NOT-HEAVEN? I think I even shouted that out loud. I shouldn't hear a noise like breathing! So creepy! My skin goose-fleshed, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

aahhh

What WAS that??? I backed away from the cabinet. Had it just started when I came out there? Or had it been going on before? Did it have something to do with my modem problem? The first thing I did was look at those cabinet doors that kept opening by themselves a while back (and haven't moved since). Nope. Still closed.

aahhh

No! Stop! I can't take it! Was there a critter in that cabinet? Had I disturbed it? Maybe a mouse or something also soft and furry and not scary, like perhaps a baby bunny, had gotten inside, and was behind that desk, in the wires. I looked at the wires. To see if they moved.

aahhh

NO! I coudn't take much more! I just wanted to get this done, and get out of that area. I unplugged the power cord from the back of the modem, ready to snatch my hand back. Okay. Wait...wait...wait... I walked around to the bottom of the stairs. Shined my flashlight behind the desk. Nothing I could see there. I held my breath and listened. Nothing. Maybe I'd scared it. MAYBE IT WAS GOING TO RUN UP MY LEG!

I hurried back to the cabinet and plugged in the power cord. Hurried back to my lair (light on) to turn New Delly back on. While waiting for all the lights to flash again before the modem would be ready, I ducked into the NASCAR bathroom. Even closed the door, which I don't usually do. The fan/light made a satisfying hum. White noise.

Whew! The unplugging had worked! I had my internet back! I didn't have that much left that I wanted to do. At least I knew the problem was fixed for the next day. Hopefully. So after another hour, I shut down, and headed out to my OPC (Old People Chair) for some nerve-calming TV-watching. I had recorded Survivor on the DVR. It's a soothing show.

All that terror had made me a mite peckish. I decided to go upstairs for a Granny Smith and some Peter Pan Honey Roast peanut butter. That would be a good snack for watching people starve on Survivor. I was halfway up the steps WHEN I HEARD IT!

AAHHH!

I almost flung the tray I was carrying over my shoulders, so jumpy were my (formerly unrattleable) nerves. I was shaking like a paint mixer at Lowe's.

It was Hick.

He was cranked back in the La-Z-Boy in the dark, having apparently risen after retiring around 10:00.

"You scared the crap out of me!"

"Oh. I think I'm sick. My knee was killing me."

"At least this is something explainable. I was more scared than I've every been down there. Except maybe the time I saw that headless man."

I didn't ask Hick what time he got up to crank back the La-Z-Boy. Not sure I want to know the answer.