I am not living in a Seinfeld episode. There were no cigar stores involved. I seriously wish Hick would be one of those people who gives someone something, and then takes it back. The something, in this case, being those two figures flanking our front door.
Of course Hick was all excited. "Did you see what I got at the auction? Look on the porch!"
I did not share his excitement at the time, nor do I share it now. Please, allow me to give you a better view.
Left side.
Right side.
Oh, and let's not forget that accessory for the figure on the left:
I'm calling it a golden leopard, but for all I know, it could be a jaguar, or an ocelot. In any case, that little big cat isn't even in the same style as the guardians of my portal. There's only one. And it's way too small compared to the size of his companions, whereas the fake hound dog we've had for a while is way too big. Goldilocks need not drop by to give a review.
My Sweet, Sweet Juno is not a fan, either. When she's at the door for a treat, or a petting, and turns to leave...she whacks her head on the left-side sentinel.
Oh, how I yearn for the simpler days of that big red milk crate nailed to the front wall for packages.
Well, you know guys. Always confused about size.
ReplyDeleteYeah, if Hick described them, he would probably say they were Statue of Liberty size...
DeleteWith that leopard lurking, that basset hound won't last long.
ReplyDeleteCrouching Leopard, Riddin' Hound Dog (from the porch). Maybe I can negotiate movie rights, and get a cut of the action.
DeleteDo you think the leopard and the dog would leap around bamboo fields?
DeleteI don't know, but if they can do it in slow motion, that would justify raising the price of the admission ticket for Hick's Shackytown Amusement Park and Roadside Freak Show.
DeleteWow, just wow. I am speechless.
ReplyDeleteWell, you have no leopard in this fight. As half-owner of that porch, I must make my opinion heard! Good thing Hick doesn't have that ostrich egg, or it would be there, too.
DeleteCorrection, it is an EMU egg! And I am still waiting for you to come and get it!
DeleteOh, yeah! I stand corrected. Pardon me if I don't rush upstairs to tell Hick that the emu egg is waiting for him...
DeleteHow would it look with Hick nailed to the front wall?
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh. Same porch, different freak show.
DeleteI think they are all really cool...but maybe not for a front door.
ReplyDeleteI think they deserve a place of honor in The Pony's Sword Shack, with the knight's armor, and the wooden women. Maybe Hick should start a themed shed for such items. An "Oh, the Wooden Humanity!" shed.
DeleteWooden that be a great idea!
DeleteI'm not a fan of those ornaments either but I LOVE the colour of your front door. May I print that photo so I can zip off to the paint store and match the colour to their charts? I'd love my front door to be that colour instead of the institution grey it currently is.
ReplyDeleteSure, print away. I picked that color, and Hick had to repaint it a couple years ago because our old dog Grizzly liked to lay against it, and he'd scratched the bottom.
DeleteOh my. I can not read your blog this early. I am heaving from laughing, first at your title and then your post. Even my husband is snickering. There is a Bosnian man in our neighborhood who would take that leopard off Hick's hands (porch). They have golden lions everywhere.
ReplyDeleteI might be on the road to a Pulitzer for journalism! Seeing as how I can stir emotions to point that THE BRO CODE IS BROKEN!
DeleteI'm sure Hick would be on the lookout for golden lions if that guy shopped at his storage unit store. He's already looking for elephants for a lady who stops by regularly.
I like the Indians or whatever you are supposed to call them now, native something or indigenous something. I'm old, they will always be Indians to me. Anyway, they coordinate with your door color and look very nice. I would find another place for their companions though.
ReplyDeleteI'm old, so that's how I refer to them, no disrespect intended. I just don't think these figures belong on our front porch. Maybe if we were running a Cracker Barrel restaurant, they would fit in with other wooden decor.
DeleteAnd what makes you think that porch is not ALREADY a freak show?
ReplyDeleteI don't know. It's certainly not the 10-foot church pew sitting out of frame to the right...
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