Tea and Crumpets With His Royal Hickness

Okay, lets have a few seconds of sad face :-( for the untimely passing of Frig. Let the record show that he has not yet officially crossed over...the gravel road to the BARn, where he will be cooling his coils in exile. He sits on the front porch, waiting for a ride.

Don't you worry about Frig. He has Frosty the snowman and the trash dumpster and an archery target to keep him company. And the garage has his back. He looks kind of menacing, doesn't he? Like that furnace in Home Alone.

We ended up getting our replacement from Lowe's. There's more to that story, but even Val can't run down that many rabbit trails today. The delivery of our new Friggy was scheduled for today. We know that, because Lowe's called at 8:15 a.m. Which might not sound like the crack of dawn to you, but to Val and Hick, who arise at 4:50 a.m. Monday thru Friday, and almost every Saturday, and like to sleep in at least one day a week whether they need to or not...it was the crack of dawn.

Hick was in the shower. My bedside phone has mysteriously stopped working since last week. So I had to run into the living room just in time for that phone to stop ringing. And hear Hick's cell phone on the bathroom sink start ringing. So I ran back and grabbed it and tried to take it to Hick in the shower, but he was already out and striding toward me in all his glistening gloriousness. Sorry. What has been seen cannot be unseen. Hick gave them vague directions and me the stinkeye, even though I was only trying to help by naming specific landmarks, left/right turns, and street names. Whereas Hick tells it like, "Come out Blacktop Road and turn just past the bridge. Go about two miles. You'll come to a road by a low water bridge after the first one. Turn left on that road. Go until you see a road to the left. Go past that. Then turn on the next one. North." Yeah. I'm surprised Frig II did not end up in Northern Michigan.

So anyway, Hick asked what time they would arrive, and was told sometime this afternoon. No hourly window. That delivery dispatcher must be the Hick of appointment times. I don't know about you, but I think of sometime this afternoon as being AFTER. NOON. So I planned to whip up a batch of Chex Mix that takes two hours plus prep time, and put off my grocery trip until later. AFTER. NOON. No need to buy food and not have a refrigerator for stowing it away. Imagine my surprise when the Lowe's truck showed up at 11:20. Which here in Missouri is BEFORE noon. The Pony had to run find Hick, who was mowing the field, or just riding around wasting gas in the lawnmower to look all manly.

I retired to the bedroom, as the coming and going of my appliances raises my blood pressure. Mainly because the entire episode is directed by Hick. Who had already spent ten minutes sweeping the porch to impress the delivery men. He never sweeps the porch for me. A pile of chicken poop could build up knee-high, and he would pretend his chickens never get up on the porch. I wouldn't be surprised if he dusted off that old pew he got at the auction, so he and his new buddies could set a spell after the unloading. He probably scribbled out free haircut coupons for them after he gets his Little Barbershop of Horrors up and running.

So...I could hear the commotion of the move. This and that. Then one of the movers started talking really loud. Like he was right outside the bedroom door. Which is NOT on the way to the kitchen.

"What kind of goats you got? That one's a Nubian, ain't it?"

"Yeah. The other one's a long-hair."

"You mean an angora?"

"Yeah! That's what it's called."

"I got two faintin' goats. You ever seen 'em?"

"No, can't say that I have."

"Clap your hands, honk the horn--they fall down dead. Funniest thing you ever saw. Is your Nubian a female? You wanna sell 'er?"

"No. She was my first goat. I won't sell her. And I won't sell the other one because I promised the guy I wouldn't. She was his wife's pet."

I'm not sure what went on after this exchange. The voices were muffled. I think Hick served his new buddies tea and crumpets. I can picture them now, Hick, and Brutus from Popeye, and Larry the Cable Guy all sipping out of dainty teacups, holding their pinky fingers in the air.

Hick had wanted them to move Frig to the BARn. I'm sure he would have served more refreshments over there. He said that part of their job was hauling away the old refrigerator. Apparently, hauling the old refrigerator two hundred yards to another building is NOT part of their job. Hick has also said he was going to offer them $20 if they declined. I guess even Brutus and Larry can't be bought. And Hick did not toss them a bottle of grape juice for their trouble.

Yes, there's more to this refrigerator-buying experience, but it will have to wait for another day.