My 101.2 fever broke last night between 11:30 and 2:00. I am weak as a kitten, with a head full of snot, but the aches and chills are gone. I mustered the gumption to venture out, and made a trip to Save A Lot so I could swing by my mom's house with a case of bottled water. Gotta keep the ol' gal hydrated, you know.
It was at Save A Lot that two-thirds of today's post was delivered on a silver platter, all wrapped up with a festive bow. Normally, I don't make The Pony go in with me at Save A Lot. But today, feeling not up to par, a bit foggy-headed and unsteady, I used him for my runner. Let the record show that I told The Pony in the car the items I wanted him to fetch. When he brought a couple to me, I re-emphasized his next aisle and product. It went swimmingly. He is great helper. And a witness with a photographic and phonographic memory if you need verification of what's to follow.
Old people are bees in my bonnet. Not the polite old people who count out correct change, or say "excuse me" if one of us is in the way of a shelf item desired by the other. No, I'm talking about the entitled old people. Like that guy bearing down on me across the front aisle with his Cart of Death to rival that of Al Bundy.
You know, it's not like we were in some tiny city market filled with organic health foods or specialty items. This was the front aisle of Save A Lot. Right behind the registers. A high-traffic area. Plenty wide enough for two carts to pass. But this crotchety fellow did not want to give me my rightful half. He came barreling down the middle. Like Zack Mayo in An Officer and a Gentleman, I had nowhere else to go. I had to pull over, because there was a pallet stacked with soda at the end cap. AND that geezer had the nerve to give me the stinkeye as he passed! I hope irony has a special plan for him.
It was not enough to be schlepping through Save A Lot with a bee buzzing in my bonnet. I also had to deal with a thorn piercing my side. A thorn in the guise of a mom and her two teenage daughters. They entered right after us. So the first few aisle trips were spent basking in the glow of their cheery aura. This mom also had a helper. Two. It's like they were on that show Supermarket Sweep. They all walked along beside the cart, then the mom would shout, "EGGS! GET THE EGGS!" and off one would dash. Then to the other, the mom shouted, "FROOT LOOPS! GET THE FROOT LOOPS!" Even though they're called Circus Os in Save A Lot. I don't know if that whole family was hard of hearing, lived next to an airport runway, or was just generally seekers of attention. I think I have hearing damage, and my head was even clogged while exposed to their decibels. Even Steven needs to exact his toll on the LOUD family.
The cure to the stings and punctures that ailed me today was also sullied. Yes. The fly in my ointment was a teenager who thought he knew how to drive. On the way back from my mom's house, we pulled T-Hoe to a halt at the five-way stop. Granted, a five-way stop is a bit of a circus, but that's how the highway department works here in Backroads. Besides, people who live around these parts know about the five-way stop. The proper thing to do, you see, is watch who takes a turn, then go after everyone who was sitting there before you has gone. By no means should you be rolling to a stop, then gas it without becoming momentarily stationary. But that's what this Fred-Flintstone-headed dude did. Cut right in front of my path, because HE couldn't wait his turn. I wish I would have honked at him. Because his dullard expression as he watched me almost ram him in the side was just about too much to take. Karma really needs to be a b*tch to that guy.
Yep. Val is back in fightin' form. Ready to take on the world. And the universe. Which conspires against her, you know.
There was a car this evening that was in the left lane, and cut me off (I was in the right lane) because they wanted to make a right turn but didn't want to be in the long line as we got off the highway.
ReplyDeleteHe got his. Five seconds after he cut me off, he didn't look where he was going/didn't see what was happening in front of him (the car in front of him hesitated a bit when making the turn) and he rammed into the backend of them.
What did I do? I merrily went around them, saying to myself, 'You HAD to get in front of me...'
Ahh...sweet, sweet Karma, Even Steven, and Irony having a menage a trois at his expense!
DeleteThis blowing and snorting is no way to spend winter break. People got on my nerves BEFORE I got this cold. Feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteI too am a member of the Feverish and Congested Club, so I understand all those bees and flies and other humbugs. And that's how the highway department works here, too. Hope you feel better.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're up and better. I hope the universe conspiring against you doesn't find out you're now healthy enough for more mistreatment.
ReplyDeleteLinda,
ReplyDeleteRight back at ya! The before nerves AND the feel better soon.
*****
Tammy,
Hanbaskets. The world needs handbaskets. I'm about to remedy all that. I have a handbasket factory in the works. Perhaps you've heard about it.
*****
Stephen,
Sadly, the universe DID find out my secret.
Blow snot on them, I say. Bet you could even hit the windshield of that dufus driver with the dregs of your clogged sinuses. But, then you were too nice to comment or even honk. You can probably thank your mom for teaching you more manners than any of those challengers of Karma.
ReplyDeleteLeenie,
DeleteWow! You are hard-core! I know my momma taught me well, but today I gave the stinkeye to a different dufus driver. She was on the Walmart main drag, like where the stop signs and crosswalks are in front of the doors, and she was in the right-hand lane where I wanted to make a right out of my parking aisle. Except she was FACING me. Then she started backing up. So she was traveling in reverse down the wrong side of the main drag. A truck had to turn two aisles ahead to avoid her. I kept waiting. She tried to make a T-turn, almost backing through the front doors, then came right back to that same place, blocking my right turn.
IDIOT! I gave her the stinkeye. Had to make a LEFT turn and go up two aisles. Then out a different exit. I made sure to swivel my head and look at her from afar, just to make sure the stinkeye stuck.
Then my good friend Irony arrived! My old parking spot, which The Pony surmised she was trying to get, was taken by the time she was able to turn up that aisle once I got out. YEAH! You go, Irony!