But enough about my mom. We've been neglecting my sweet, sweet Juno!
Poor sweet Juno is discombobulated. We've been in and out, our schedules a bit off, what with tending to Mom's needs. So poor sweet Juno is never quite sure if we'll be right back, or if our outing will be an all-day affair. And more importantly: when is her next handful of cat kibble?
The Pony and I returned home from a trip to Mom's house Sunday morning. We had been liberating some frozen pecan halves and pieces for the upcoming Chex Mix extravaganza from her basement deep-freeze. Don't think of this as theft. Mom TOLD me to get them. My sister the ex-mayor's wife was picking up FRESH pecans at church for Mom that very day. So I suppose that puts Sis at value above a Five-Dollar Daughter.
The Pony and I came out of the garage to a playful Juno hopping and bopping to the Gimme Cat Kibble Rock. Ann stood steadfast, three feet away. There's no competing with Juno's hopping and bopping. As usual, I made my sweet, sweet Juno show me some puppy love before rewarding her kibble tooth. I sometimes hug her, sometimes say threateningly "JUUUUNOOOO!" until she sits down calmly. Then I give her a good petting, and tease her by asking, "What do you want? WHAT do you want? Does Juno want a SNACK?" And she starts hopping and bopping again while I fish out a fistful of cat kibble from the large black-and-white-spotted metal roasting pan that serves as the cats' food dish.
This particular Sunday, I stepping in to hug my sweet, sweet Juno...AND CAUGHT A WHIFF OF SOMETHING FOUL! Yes. My sweet, sweet Juno smelled a little...um...how you say...less than fresh.
"YUCK! You STINK!" I backed off. My sweet, sweet Juno swayed out over the edge of the porch, somewhat like a cobra weaving its head, trying to maintain our loving contact. I pushed her back by the usually-silky-shiny black ruff of her throat and chest.
IT WAS STIFF AND STICKY! Upon closer inspection, I observed a reddish tint.
"JUNO! You've been into something! Something DEAD!"
"I could have told you that. I saw her curled around it in the front yard as we came up the driveway. She was nibbling on it, but I couldn't tell what it was. Her body shielded it. Probably part of a deer."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"
"Eh. You didn't ask."
That Pony. He really is not at all interested in helping people.
Juno and I are currently taking a little break from each other. It's not me. It's her. She's a stinky mess. Maybe. I'm not going to check it out for a few days. She can lay in the sun and on her bed of cedar chips, and roll around in the grass for a while to dry-clean.
I'll take my chances with our lesser, cinnamon babka of a pet, the sturdy, course, shiny, not-so-bright Ann. She likes cat kibble too. And doesn't get so excited and foist herself on me.
Juno has been snacking from afar. And she doesn't seem to mind!
Sweet, sweet Juno Stinky? I don't believe it, and I believe you can get a buzz from Jersey dirty water.
ReplyDeleteAt least she doesn't smell as bad as Jerry's car. Or does she?
ReplyDeleteA good roll in doo-doo should eliminate the first smell. Or maybe a bath?
ReplyDeleteA bath in tomato juice works for de-skunking, they say. (And of course I forgot--I forgot to tip my hat to the Billy quote as the title...)
ReplyDeletePoor Juno. She'd be lost without Momma's affection.
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteYou'd better believe it, Bub. Or I'll bottle a whiff and send it your way by USPS certified mail, so you have to go to the Post Office and stand in line, where a beefy old man will jam his forearm between your buttocks and chuckle.
Then you'll REALLY need a dirty-water cocktail.
*****
Sioux,
It's not BO. Not the smell that Jimmy has after Jimmy works out in his wide-soled jumping shoes. Not bad enough to toss Juno's collar to a street bum and donate her to solve the problem.
*****
Linda,
Juno is not a typical dog. She has not yet rolled in doo-doo, nor have I caught her with her nose up another dog's butt. A cat's butt, yes. But no canines.
I still have the mane and tail shampoo, but the weather is too cool to soak Juno right now.
*****
Sioux,
A little vodka in tomato juice with a dash of Worcestershire sauce makes a Bloody Mary, they say. And Billy says Val is a true renaissance woman.
*****
Stephen,
She be lost about as far as the distance between herself and the cat kibble.
No nice warm bath with scented dog shampoo, specially formulated for dry skin? Then a warm towel and a long sit in your lap as you rub her dry? So, are my dogs spoiled?
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteUm. I would have to declare that your dogs are loved no more than mine, but that they receive a larger share of pampering than my stinky, stinky Juno.