Genius couldn't wait to take up my time when he found out I did not have school today due to the ice. It was scarcely after 9:00 a.m. when the texts started to fly. He pretended to be congratulating me on my first snow day, but in reality he was warming up to ask for TWO of a certain gift on his wish list. Back and forth the banter flew, at near the speed of light under his fingertips, and nearer the speed of an arthritic one-toed Galapagos Tortoise on my end.
"One thing is for sure. You have always been the one to dig that last fluff of lint out of my deep pockets."
"I don't expect everything on my list. And I know it's expensive. But I would really like to have one of these special mechanical pencils on my desk, and one in my backpack."
"I'll see what I can do. Oh, it's taking me a while to answer, because your dad is texting me at the same time."
"I know. He's texting me too. He wants me to print some posters for him because he's too cheap to pay for them."
"Huh. I used to think he actually worked when he left the house."
"Have you SEEN some of these posters?" Slideshow.
"That's terrible."
"I refused to print it."
"I don't even want it on my phone. When I become famous, it will be my downfall."
"Exactly."
"Are you in class right now, wasting the money I'm not spending on your education?"
"Yes. But I know everything about this class. I have an A. It's taught by a former state auditor, who is surprisingly inept."
"Why do I see myself as merely an unpleasant interlude that helps you pass the time you should be spending on paying attention?"
"Huh. I guess you've had your fill of Momtalk. I've got to get busy paying out my taxes. It won't do to be living in a van down by the river."
"That's my plan."
"What? Living in a van down by the river?"
"Yes. The van part."
"We'll make sure not to trade in the $1000 Caravan. You'll be the best-dressed one there, what with your Men's Wearhouse wardrobe and all. You will be the mayor of Vanriverville."
Huh. I guess Genius does not have political aspirations. He did not respond. Or else his class was over and he had better things to do.
His fancy mechanical pencil will look impressive on the dashboard of his home/van...
ReplyDeleteI taught a genius once who decided to become a college dropout, live in a van and play tin pan in a band. He's now making money hand over fist travelling the world with Pokey Lafarge (featured on Letterman) and well, just hang onto that van.
ReplyDeleteI have a few mechanical pencils...somewhere. I haven't used them in years.
ReplyDeleteQuick! There are 10 of them on Amazon for only $17 each!
ReplyDelete(I'm thinkin' . . what's wrong with a plain old wood pencil?
Sioux,
ReplyDeleteAs the students in my mostly-boy, just-entered-high-school class would say, "OOOH! BURN!"
******
Linda,
Pokey LaFarge! He was the entertainment at The Pony's teacher appreciation dinner at Nerd Camp this summer! I can only hope Genius hits the big time like that.
*****
Stephen,
Apparently these are magical engineering mechanical pencils, all balanced and whatnot, so special they could design bridges by themselves. Not that Genius is studying mechanical engineering, of course. He's an electrical/computer man. So this pencil must be able to splice wire and install a service entrance, as well as solder a motherboard like nobody's business.
I hope your mechanical pencils have not been creating works of art all by their lonesome since you most likely let them fall into the cushions of a leopard-print bordello chair.
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Catalyst,
SEVENTEEN DOLLARS EACH! That's a steal!
Nobody uses a plain old yellow Ticonderoga anymore. The kids abhor them. Well, they WOULD, if they knew what "abhor" means. Those antiques are only used to take the ACT, when filling in circles with precision is required.