Sunday, February 3, 2019

We Understand If You Decline an Invitation to Hick's Super Bowl Party

I might have mentioned that Hick likes a large spread of snacks for his Super Bowl unParty. I've got the supplies, and a mental list of when I need to get each item ready. All Hick has to do is be home, for once, and in the house, by kickoff time. He's spending the morning, probably until 1:00, at his Storage Unit Store. If I heard him correctly when he was droning on about his business yesterday, he took in over $800. Yes. That's no typo. He said he sold four of his guns. He assumes people have gotten their tax refunds, and are tired of being cooped up by the frigid temps and ice. We hit 60 degrees, and folks were out and about.

Anyhoo...Hick's the only guest at his Super Bowl unParty. As you read on, you might understand why.

Saturday, I got off to a late start, and didn't return from town until after 3:00. Hick was right behind me by about 5 minutes. I saw SilverRedO parked in front of Orb K as I drove past on the way home. I figured Hick was eating a hot dog. He loves them, you know! I asked if he'd eaten lunch as he carried in my groceries.

"I had a hot dog."

"Oh. Because it's so late now, I thought I'd just make supper, rather than putting this stuff away, having lunch, and then fixing supper an hour later for you."

"No. That's fine! I didn't have anything, really."

"Well, except that hot dog..."

"I can eat supper now. You're making a pizza, right?"

"Yeah. I got one at Save A Lot. I forgot about tomorrow and your Super Bowl stuff. Maybe you can take your leftover pizza for lunch at your store."

"I might." was around 4:00 when I got the peppers removed from Hick's side of the supreme, and the pepperoni removed from my side. I'd been heating my holey pizza pan in the oven. We like a crisp crust on our pizza, but we don't like it enough for me to set the crust directly on the oven rack. I always preheat the pan. I like hearing that sizzle when I slide the pizza on there.

Save A Lot has really BIG pizzas. They were 2 for $10, I guess for the Super Bowl. Only one supreme was left, and I took it. Not cheese, too boring. Not pepperoni, because that would mean my half was going to be just cheese... which is too boring. I didn't get two pizzas, not because there was only one supreme, but because that's too much pizza for Hick and me! As it is, we each eat half of our half, and save the rest for the second day.

Anyhoo... did I mention how BIG the Save A Lot pizzas are? I used my oven mitts to get that big holey hot pan out of the preheated oven, and put it on the front burner. I'd been removing/adding peppers/pepperoni from that pizza over on the cutting block, with it laying on top of the turned-over box. I used the box to move the pizza to the pan, to slide it onto the hot holey surface. It's so big it overlaps the sides a little. That's okay, because we like our crust crispy, and the edges being exposed like that is fine.

By 4:25, that BIG pizza was ready. I always set the hot holey pan on top of a regular flat pizza pan, on the cutting block, so any juices or crumbs that fall through the holes don't make a mess. I can shake that flat pizza pan over the wastebasket, or wipe it off. I went to talk to Hick for a couple minutes while the cheese cooled enough not to be stringy when I sliced it.

"It looks really good. The crust is hard and crunchy. It'll be better than last time. I left it in a couple extra minutes."

Hick went to take his evening medicine, and I went to slice the pizza. I HATE slicing pizza. I use a big curved-blade, black-handled, butcher knife that Hick's (before-retirement) company makes. I generally swipe it across the foot-long, black-handled, steel that Hick's company also makes. Still, I have trouble getting through that crust. I think it's something about how the holey pizza pan is curved at the edges.

Anyhoo... I started slicing. The crispy edges were easy enough. It was through the center part that I had trouble. Try as I might, I couldn't get that blade all the way through the crust. I got out my Christmas gift Pioneer Woman ceramic knife. The big one. It wasn't curved, but it seemed to cut a little deeper through the crust than the regular butcher knife. Still, I wasn't getting down to the metal of the holey pizza pan. Huh. That was ridiculous. Nobody makes a crust that tough. I was still on the first cut, which divided my pepper-loaded half from Hick's pepperoni-loaded half. I finally grabbed the edge, and started pulling my half away from his as I rocked the knife.

"Uh... We have a problem..."

Hick came to see.

"Looks like when I slid the pizza onto the pan, that cardboard circle was stuck to the bottom. I cooked the cardboard along with the pizza."

"Eh. It'll be fine."

"Yeah. Just not crispy. It looks done. But floppy."

Hick ate his pizza like it was good. I took his other pieces off to save, and put the holey pizza pan back in the oven with my half. Five minutes at 400 degrees, with foil on top to save the toppings from burning...and my pizza was nice and crispy on the bottom. Even better than regular, when I don't leave the cardboard in.

Yes. I understand that you have a previous engagement for the Super Bowl.


  1. No one is invited to my SB party. Wings, pizza and me, free from shushing during commercials and dumb questions from people who do not really care...never do a real SB party again.

    You would not like Jersey pizza. Proper NY/NJ pizza should be able to fold a slice in half with the front tip drooping just enough for the first bite, Crispy is Pizza Hut.

    1. I've met few pizzas I didn't like, so I might develop a taste for Jersey pizza. Like if it was free for life.

      Pizza Hut is way down on my list. It has a chemical taste now, not like the olden days. I like Imo's Pizza. It's a St. Louis thing. My 10th best old ex-teacher buddy, Mrs. Not A Cook, called it "Velveeta on a cracker." She would probably like Jersey pizza.

    2. As Homer Simpson might say, "Mmmmm...Velveeta!" I love the cheese-like product.

    3. I, too, find Velveeta particularly delectable!

  2. Ha Ha, the cardboard circle. I know several people who cut their pizza with kitchen shears, removing it from the pizza tray to the chopping board first, then just cutting in, so one time someone cut up the pizza and served it on plates with the sliced up cardboard circle pieces still attached. In her defence, it was the very first time she'd ever cut up pizza.

    1. Heh, heh! I'm a afraid to use my kitchen shears. Too many times I've caught them cutting wire and trimming dog fur. To be put back in the drawer without plans to tell me.

  3. @joeh; I'm told that's how they do it in Italy too.

  4. Imo's #1 and then pretty much any brand except Papa John's pepperoni which tastes like balogna.

    1. I might like it if the pepperoni tastes like bologna! I hate pepperoni. Our Papa John's closed way back before The Pony left for college. No wonder he survived on it once he was there. He missed it, and it was across the street from his dorm.

  5. I know what you mean about the kitchen shears. My disappear from time to time and I know it is because HeWho has ruined them on fence wire or something equally difficult. He surmises that the shears advertise cutting chicken into pieces and if they can do that, they should be able to cut anything. Like roofing shingles.

    1. I just hope Hick doesn't think that because they can cut chicken, they can dismember VAL!